


Richie Tozier is NOT One Up for Change

by BCI603, milevenreddie



Series: Shit Richie does [1]
Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Forgive Me, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Richie thinks everyone hates him, Richie tries to change and hates it, Richie's parents are awesome, Sad Richie, Slow Burn, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-23 21:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14941517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BCI603/pseuds/BCI603, https://archiveofourown.org/users/milevenreddie/pseuds/milevenreddie
Summary: But he does it anyways. Or tries too.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve never been the greatest at writing angst like this, so bare with me, I got this idea and I wanted to try it out. Anxiety is a serious thing, and though I only mention it a couple times in this, it is there. I probably won’t describe it as correctly as I’d like, but I’ve done my research and read up on stories so hopefully it’ll be okay.
> 
> Chapter number may change!

  **Saturday, November 4, 2017**

At age ten, Richie knew that he could be an annoying little shit, it’s one of his favorite hobbies, to annoy people. Even at age sixteen (going on seventeen in a couple of months), he knew that. But what most people don’t know is the reason behind that. Richie’s usually a happy guy, he has awesome friends and his parents are pretty awesome. He’s also a giant nerd, that gets picked on and beat up, being called a fag or queer for no reason. Well, there is a reason, because he  _is_ bi, but no one actually  _knows_ that but himself and himself alone. At least, none of the people in Derry knew.

But he also has anxiety. It started around the age of twelve, in middle school, and has only gotten worse. Not to say that it was a constant thing but… it kind of was. He couldn’t sleep, most nights. He over analyzes  _everything,_ except for his jokes and random comments. When he does something incredibly stupid or embarrassing, he thinks about it for hours on end, unable to focus on anything other than what he did. And it didn’t have to be that day, or the day before. It would usually be something he said or did from months or even years ago.

He’s incredibly insecure, he hates the way he looks. His hair is a mess, his nose is too big, he’s too tall and looks like a baby giraffe who can barely walk. The only thing he kind of likes are his teeth, which, considering they’re too big for his liking, is saying a lot. They used to be crooked as all hell, but his parents got him braces when he was twelve and he got them off when he was fifteen, and he still wears a retainer at night.

He wanted to change, he really did, but he  _hates_ change. He likes to make people laugh, or try to make them laugh. He likes the attention, even if he’s getting looked at weird or cussed out by one of his friends. The only attention he doesn’t like, obviously, is the Bowers gang, but then again, who  _would_ like their attention?

Richie never cared about changing until his friends started getting  _really_ annoyed with him. More so than usual. He couldn’t sit still for  _anything_ , and it irritated Stan the most.

“Would you sit still for more than two minutes, Richie?  _God_!” Richie stopped bouncing his knee and grinned at Stan from the other side of the table. The two were  _studying_ at the library. Richie didn’t need to study, but Stan insisted that he’d get even better grades if he did, so he at least  _tried_ for his best friend.

“Sorry, Staniel. I just get oh so nervous in your presence!” He said dramatically, putting a hand over Stan’s, who jerked it away from him with scowl.

“Don’t touch me.” He muttered. “Who knows where those hands have been.”

“In your mom’s pan-”

“Beep beep, Richie.”

Beep beep Richie was the only thing that actually shut him up. If someone told him to  _shut up_ he’d continue talking or doing whatever he was doing. He wasn’t completely sure why they started saying that, but he thinks it’s because it reminds him of clowns and he  _hates_ them, so it’ll shut him up.

Richie shut right up and continued trying to study. He didn’t say anything for a while, so Stan looked at him to see if he’d fallen asleep or something. Richie was staring at the table, eyes glazed over a little.

“Jeez, Rich, did you have an aneurysm over there or something?” He asked, nudging Richie’s foot with his own. Richie’s eyes snapped up and he blinked. He coughed a little.

“Uh, no, I’m good, Stan the Man. Just thinking about-”

“If you say one thing about my mother I swear to God.” Richie grinned cheekily but didn’t continue with his sentence. But, he did say,

“I don’t understand why we’re still here. We’ve been here for like, three hours and I’m bored.”

“It’s been thirty minutes, Richie.” Stan sighed, rubbing his forehead, already regretting asking Richie to come study with him.

“I’m still bored.” He shrugged.

“Go make memes or something. Whatever weird shit you do in your free time.”

“I’ll have you know, Stanley the Manly, that I have over twenty thousand followers on Instagram because of my amazing ability to create memes!”

“I wouldn’t know, because you won’t tell me your damn username.”

“Private stuff, my dude.” He pointed at him and grinned cheekily. “Just so you know, it’s one of the greatest things I’ve ever done.” He wasn’t lying, either, his Instagram account, his main one at least, was his greatest accomplishment, because that’s where most of the thoughts and feelings he had were said. He’d never talked to his friends or parents about them, and he didn’t plan to. He didn’t really make memes, he just ranted multiple times on his Instagram story or in live streams, and usually, his followers agreed with him or tried to cheer him up. He never showed his face or used his actual voice, he made his voice deeper when he spoke in the videos. His followers were the only people who knew about his sexuality, and he intended for it to stay that way. At least until after he graduated and moved to LA, or New York. Wherever the wind takes him.

“Why don’t you tell us your Instagram, Rich?” Mike asked, trying to look over Richie’s shoulder at his phone, but he wasn’t even on his main account, he was on his private, that he had only for his friends and family.

“Jokes on you, Michael, I’m on my private so you can look all you want!” He said, waving his phone in his face. “Because I have some  _private_ things on there.” He grinned cheekily at him.

“I’m gonna assume you mean dirty so I’m not gonna ask again.” Richie snickered and shrugged.

Richie knew he was crude and made disgusting jokes or remarks, but that’s just how he was. _Who_ he was, and for the most part, his friends accepted it.

He knew he’d taken it a little too far at movie night at Bill’s, the next Friday. He’s been annoying everyone purposefully all day, just to get a kick out of it because he’s  _Richie_ and apparently, it was  _not_ the day to joke around Eddie, because he pushed Richie off of him harshly, knocking him onto the floor after he tried to pinch his cheeks.

“I’m not in the mood for your annoying ass, Richie.” He hissed. “Leave me the fuck alone.” Richie sat up and fixed his glasses as Bill just rolled his eyes and started the movie.

“Jeez, Eds, just trying to love on ya.” He said, looking up at Eddie with a grin.

“Shut the fuck up Richie. God, turn around and watch the damn movie.” The way Eddie said it made the grin drop off his face in an instant and he turned around and scooting so he was away from the couch completely, and not facing any of them in any way. He didn’t say another word.

 _Why did he say it like he hated me?_ Richie asked himself, twisting a loose string of carpet around his finger.  _What am I saying, he probably does. They all probably hate me._ That got him thinking, which wasn’t a good thing because like Eddie, when Richie got to thinking, he thought way too much and got in over his head.  _If they hate me, why do they deal with me? Is it because I won’t let them go away? Won’t leave them alone? Or are they just pitying me because they know I hate myself?_

He did, he hated himself. He realized it in that instant, and he felt tears stinging the back of his eyes. His entire body froze, the only movement his shoulders as he breathes. He took a chance and glanced at the others, who seemed relaxed and happy with each other, all cozied up on the couch and recliner together while he sat on the floor by himself. Another minute, and he stood up, digging in his pocket for his cigarettes. He’d use that as an excuse to go outside, so he could  _leave._ He just shook it a little as he walked away to show them and grabbed his jacket and bag he’d brought, as they always slept over, as discreetly as he could, and walked right out the door. He was glad he’d parked his truck a couple blocks away because they wouldn’t hear him as he left. He smoked three, yes  _three,_ cigarettes on his way home and the second he walked in the door, his mom made a face.

“What are you doing home? I thought you were staying at Bill’s? And Lord, how much have you smoked today?”

“Pretty sure I’m not wanted there, mother dear.” He said, shrugging. He dropped his bag on the floor and toed off his shoes as he took his jacket off. “And I smoked three on the way home.” She stood from her spot on the couch and walked over to him.

“What’s wrong?” She asked. “Why do you think you’re not wanted there? What did they say?”

“It’s not them.” He said, shaking his head. “Well, it is but… Eddie basically said he hated me.”

“He what?” She nearly shrieked.

“Jeez, Ma.” He made a face. “He told me he wasn’t in the mood for my annoying ass and pushed me on the floor and told me to leave him alone.”

“That doesn’t mean-”

“You didn’t see the look on his face or hear the way he said it, Ma.” He bit his lip.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it, Rich.” She said, wrapping her arms around him. He hugged her back.

“Oh! Family hug time! I want in!” Wentworth exclaimed, running over to them from the kitchen and wrapping his arms around them both. Richie laughed. “What’re you doing here, kiddo?” He asked, still hugging them.

“Decided I wanted to hang out with my old folks, ya know?” He replied, grinning at his dad, thankful his mom didn’t say otherwise.

“We’re not old, you lil shit.” Went said, fondly ruffling his hair. “We’re only thirty three!”

“Exactly, old.” Richie raised an eyebrow as they let each other go.

“How are we old? We’re not even middle aged!”

“I think anyone older than sixteen is old in his eyes.” Maggie said, snorting.

“Accurate.” He nodded as if agreeing with himself. He picked his bag up and shouldered it. “I’m gonna go put my shit up and take a shower. If you need me I won’t hear so come bang on my door.” He said, walking up the stairs. “But don’t actually-” He stopped himself from making a dirty joke. “Uh, never mind, I’ll be up here.” He walked up the stairs quickly and Maggie frowned. Went looked at her with a grin, but it dropped when he noticed the look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. She sighed and looked up at him.

“There’s something up with him. I don’t know what, but…”

“It’s probably just hormones.” He said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “You know how I was at his age.” She snorted and nodded.

“Yeah, you horn dog.”

“Hey, it takes two to tango!” He said, poking her cheek. She rolled her eyes.

“And that tango resulted in a baby at seventeen.” She glanced back at the stairs and let out another sigh, shaking her head, “But I’m glad we’ve got him.”

“Me too. Kid’s got a lot of spunk in him. He’ll go places, he just needs to chill a little bit with the profanity.” She scoffed and pushed him.

“Like you’re one to talk.”

Back at Bill’s house, Ben noticed that Richie hadn’t come back yet, and it’d been at least thirty minutes.

“Guys, Richie hasn’t come back in yet.” He said. Stan grabbed the remote from Bill and paused it, looking at him.

“How long has he been out there? He probably froze to death.”

“Not funny, Stanley.” Eddie grumbled, standing up and trudging to the door. He’d been in a bad mood all day because of his mom, which wasn’t very surprising to the others. He opened the door and called out, “Richie! If you’ve been out here smoking nonstop for the last thirty minutes, I’ll be the one to kill you instead of the cigarettes!” There was no response. His eyes furrowed and he stepped onto the porch, looking down both directions, Richie’s truck nowhere in sight. He walked back in and shut the door. “He’s gone.”

“Gone?” Bill asked. Eddie nodded.

“His truck isn’t outside, anywhere.” He took his phone out of his pocket and texted the group chat, knowing Richie was more likely to respond there than he would just between them.

**The Losers Club! <3**

(9:41)Spagheds- Richie, where the hell are you?

(9:46) Mammy Bev- Richard Tozier, answer us right now

(9:52) Pappy Ben- Richie!!

(9:54) Dickard- I’m at home

(9:55) Spagheds- why’d you leave?

(9:56) Dickard- i was needed at home

(9:56) Billy Bill- what happened?

(9:59) Dickard- Relax, guys. I’m fine. I’m at home with my parents.

(10:00) Stan the Man- We didn’t ask if you were fine. We asked what happened.

(10:01) Dickard- Thanks.

(Dickard has left the chat)

“What the fuck?” Bev mumbled, looking at the others. They shrugged.

“He’s never willingly left the chat. Do you think something’s wrong? Like, actually wrong?” Mike asked.

“I’m gonna go call him.” Bev said, matter of factly and stood, grabbing her jacket and going outside for a smoke break too.

“Better make sure she doesn’t ditch us too.” Stan muttered.

“Come on, pick up.” Bev grumbled, calling for the third time.

“Bev! What do I owe the pleasure!” Richie’s loud voice asked.

“Jeez, quiet down some. You’ll wake Eddie’s mom all the way from your house, if that’s where you really are.” She accused.

“I’m not lying, I’m at home. You can talk to Ma if you want.” He said, completely ignoring the urge to make a joke about Eddie’s mom, which sort of shocked Bev. Bev sighed.

“I know. What’s wrong though?”

“Nothing, Bevvie Lou! I’m perfectly fine. Just thought I’d come home and chill with my folks, you know?”

“You were all excited about staying the night, earlier, Rich. And you’ve never wanted to stay home and  _chill_ with your parents.”

“Eh, I guess I just wanted a change.”

“A change from what? Did we do something?”

“Nah, Bev, really, I’m  _fine_. You don’t have to worry about lil ol’ me.”

“Richie-”

“Dad just yelled up the stairs that the food was here, so I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to ya later, Bevs!” He hung up without giving her a chance to reply. She huffed and put the cigarette out, throwing it in the bucket Bill had bought for her and Richie and went back in.

“He said that he just wanted to spend time with his parents.” She said, mocking him as she sat back down next to Ben. “Said he wanted a change, but he didn’t say from what.”

“What kind of change would he want anyways? He fucking loves movie nights over here.” Eddie said, making a face. She shrugged.

“I don’t know, but I don’t like it. It’s weird.”

Before Richie went to bed that, he went to his notes and wrote a small paragraph, screenshotted it, and posted it on his main account.

_I think I sort of… lost my friends today. Maybe not LOST but they definitely weren’t very happy with me. I know I’m an annoying ass hat most of the time and I have been my entire life, but I’ve known them all for at least 4 or 5 years, longer with some of them, so they should be used to it by now. I don’t know if they’ve all just been pretending to be my friend or what, especially E… The way he looked and talked to me today made if feel like he hated me. I was being annoying then but still. He most likely hates me but I’m in love with him. Pretty shitty, huh? Motivation for the day, or, uh, night, don’t be an annoying ass to your friends on purpose._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day one of change, and Richie hates it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys sooo much for your feedback! I'm so happy that people like this so far, and I hope you continue to do so! :)

**Sunday, November 12, 2017**

He barely got three hours of sleep, probably falling asleep around six and waking up a little after nine. He’d been thinking all night, about the way he acted. He was loud, he was awkward, he wore weird looking and colorful clothes that his friends and family didn’t like, he looked like a frog and a beaver had a baby (not his words, Bowers), and he cussed way too much. He wanted to change, so he did. He didn’t utter a single cuss word in front of his parents today, and he went to the mall and bought some more… normal, looking clothes. Solid color shirts, jeans without holes in them, a dark red hoodie and a new pair of black converse. One thing he’d told himself, that was if he was gonna change his appearance and the way he acted in real life, he wouldn’t on social media. As in his main Instagram, at least. Before he went to bed, he posted a random meme he found that he thought was funny, and gave a few song suggestions on his story.

* * *

 

**Monday, November 13, 2017**

Again, he barely got any sleep, but the next morning, he forced himself to get up early so he wouldn’t be late to school (like usual) and attempted to tame his curls using hair gel, and he did to an extent. He put on a grey, long sleeved shirt he got and black jeans with his hoodie. Grabbing his book bag, wallet and phone, he made his way downstairs, ready to go.

“Woah, you’re up early and ready to go.” Maggie said, raising an eyebrow at him. He shrugged.

“Yeah, figured I should stop being late everyday. Not good for my reputation.” She chuckled.

“Do you want some coffee or anything?” She asked. He shook his head and grabbed his keys off the counter. 

“Nah, I’m good.”

“You look nice, by the way. Trying to impress someone?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows. He gave her a forced smile and shook his head.

“No, just felt like looking good today I guess.”

“You always do, baby.” She said, standing on her toes and pecking him on the cheek. He smiled at her again.

“I’m gonna head on out, see if I’m picking anyone up today.” He told her. She nodded.

“Have a good day! Love you!” She called as he walked out the door.

“Love you too!” He called back. He got in his truck and started it, then took his phone out and messaged the group chat (which he’d been added back to by Ben).

**The Losers Club! <3**

(7:31) Dickard- Am I picking up anyone for school?

(7:32) Billy Boy- holy shit, richie’s awake before 8!

(7:32) Dickard- does anyone need a ride to school or no?

(7:33) Stan the Man- I do. Mom’s car won’t start for some reason.

(7:35) Dickard- Be there in ten.

Ten minutes later, Stan was opening the passenger door of Richie’s truck and throwing his book bag on the floor.

“Hey, Rich.” He said, shutting the door.

“Hey, Staniel- uh, Stan.” He corrected himself. That was another thing, he wasn’t gonna use those dumb nicknames anymore. He didn’t see the look Stan gave him and drove off.

“Why are you up and ready to go to school so early?” Richie shrugged. “You’re always the last one up. And your hair, what did you do to it? It’s not wild as all hell today. And you smell good, did you shower?”

“Decided to start going in earlier.” He shrugged again. “There’s a thing called hair gel, Stan, you should look into it. And I showered last night, but I wear cologne.”

“Smart ass.” Stan muttered and Richie bit his lip. “Are you trying to impress a certain someone?” He asked, nudging his arm.

“Who would I be trying to impress?” Richie scoffed.

“A certain five foot four hypochondriac.” Richie tensed up at his words. He swallowed and said,

“Why would I try and impress  _ him _ ?”

“You say that like it’d be a bad thing.” Stan said.

“I’m not gay.”

“I didn’t say you were.” Richie clenched the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

“I don’t like Eddie. He hates  _ me _ .”

“Why would you say that? No he doesn’t.” Richie scoffed.

“Sure seems like it.” He shrugged. “Can we just drop it? I got up early, you know, I’m still tired.” Stan sighed.

“Fine.” 

Stan was worried about him. He usually worried about Richie in general, because he was a bit of an idiot who didn’t think before he did or said something, but this wasn’t the case. He was acting  _ weird _ , a lot weirder than he usually does, which is saying a lot. He’d never been around Richie while he’s this quiet. He didn’t say another word about the subject, but he did ask him if he’d studied over the weekend, to which Richie replied,

“I read like, thirty pages of notes twice. I was ready to burn it or something.” Or something. What the hell?

The two met the rest of the Losers in their usual spot in front of the school, by one of the bigger trees. Eddie looked happier today, and when he saw the two walking towards them, he waved.

“Morning Chee! Stan!” Richie smiled a little and waved back, opting to wait until they were closer to reply instead of yelling like he normally would.

“Good morning Eddie. Guys.” He nodded to the others with a smile. Bev raised an eyebrow at Stan but didn’t say anything. Stan had texted them in a separate chat and told them not to say anything and that Richie was acting weird. “I’ve gotta pee, so I’m gonna head in.” Richie told them. “And I have to grab something out of the office.” He gave them a small salute and made his way into the school. Immediately, Stan turned to Eddie.

“Can you explain to me why Richie thinks you hate him?”

“What?” Eddie deadpanned, furrowing his eyebrows. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“He told me that you hated him.”

“But I don’t?” It came out like a question. “Why…?”

“I don’t know, did you say something to him yesterday while you were in a bad mood?” Stan asked, crossing his arms. Eddie looped his fingers in the straps of his book bag and made a face.

“I mean, I don’t think so? He was pinching my cheeks and I pushed him off the couch on accident and I told him to leave me alone.”

“He never got back up on the couch.” Bill pointed out. “He stayed on the floor until he got up and left.”

“Do you think I hurt his feelings? Any other time, it wouldn’t have. He usually laughs it off and keeps annoying me.”

“I don’t know, but I don’t like it.” Stan shook his head. 

“This is weird. He got up early,” Bev said, holding up a finger, adding a second as she said, “He dressed in non-whacky looking clothes,” She added another finger, “his hair looks  _ good _ like that, and I haven’t heard him use one singular nickname. Or  _ cuss  _ for that matter.”

“I definitely don’t like this.” Mike said, shaking his head.

Meanwhile, Richie did go use the bathroom, but he didn’t have to go to the office. He’d decided he wanted to go to the choir room and play piano for a few minutes. It’s what he did the first ten minutes of lunch, it helped chill him out a little when teachers were being dicks or the Bowers gang were bothering him. He was waiting on the new one to arrive back at home, and it’d probably come in a couple weeks. The door was unlocked, which sort of shocked him because he didn’t see the choir director, and sat down at the piano, immediately letting his fingers slide over the keys. He started playing  _ Chasing Cars _ , and since he was alone, he sang a bit.

_ We'll do it all _ __   
_ Everything _ __   
_ On our own _ __   
_ We don't need _ __   
_ Anything _ __   
_ Or anyone _ __   
_ If I lay here _ __   
_ If I just lay here _ __   
_ Would you lie with me and just forget the world? _ __   
_ I don't quite know _ __   
_ How to say _ __   
_ How I feel _ __   
_ Those three words _ __   
_ Are said too much _ _   
_ __ They're not enough

“Richie?” A voice asked, shocked. Richie nearly fell off the bench, he spun so fast. It was the choir director. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Uh, hey, Mrs. Gandy.” She blinked at him and started clapping.

“That was  _ amazing _ ! Richie! I didn’t know you could sing!”

“Uh, not a lot of people do. Only my parents.” He muttered, his cheeks a bright red. “Um, thank you.” He gave her a smile.

“Oh my God, Richie, would you be up for performing a song at the fundraiser concert we’re doing in a few months?” She asked. He’d heard about that, and he thought about signing up, but never really did anything about it.

“I don’t know… aren’t auditions or whatever over?”  She shook her head.

“They were, but we had to postpone the concert so we’re doing more. You don’t have to, but I would  _ love  _ it if you auditioned.” He bit his lip and shrugged.

“I’ll think about it?” He said, phrasing it like a question. She nodded, a grin forming on her lips.

“You’ve made my day, God, I got tears in my eyes from that.” He chuckled a little and stood, grabbing his bag.

“I’ll let you know… soon. Uh, I’d better get to class.” She nodded and gave his shoulder a light squeeze as he passed her. He was one of the first to class, and sat in his usual seat at the back, next to Bill and in front of Eddie. He gave them both a small smile when they looked at him and he pulled his home work out and a sheet of paper and started the bell work.

“Holy sh- Oops. Richie Tozier, it’s nice to see you here before eight thirty.” Mr. Walker said, dramatically putting a hand over his heart. Richie just gave a slight nod in acknowledgement. Bill and Eddie expected a snarky remark but it never came. They looked at each other when Richie wasn’t looking, and Bill gave a small shrug.

He made sure to be on time to all of his classes, and he actually paid attention and answered a couple questions in each. Willingly. Usually, the only time he’d answer them was when he was called on. He could see how  _ glad  _ the teachers were that he wasn’t acting like an idiot, so he figured he was doing a good job of being  _ normal _ .

He decided not to go to the choir room before lunch today, instead being the first to arrive at the table. He got his lunch and sat down, fidgeting with the end of his sleeve. He put his phone on the table and pulled his hoodie off, putting it on the table for now, and stuck his phone in his pocket and started tapping his fingers.

_ I wonder if they’ll think I’m acting weird, because I’ve been quiet. Been normal. They probably won’t notice, they never paid any attention to my annoying ass anyways, they won’t notice now. Eddie might, because he’s the one who called me an annoying ass so he’ll probably ask why I’m not being - _

“Richie!” Someone slammed their hand on the table in front of him and he jumped, nearly giving himself whiplash as he turned his head. It was Stan.

“What the hell?” He asked, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked around and saw the rest of the Losers staring at him.

“We’ve been sitting here for five minutes waiting on you to say something.” Ben said. “But you were just staring at your plate like it murdered your whole family.”

“Maybe it did.” He muttered. Eddie made a face, and he could’ve swore he saw his lips quirk into an almost smile. “Uh, sorry, got distracted. Um, hey. Happy lunch time.” He didn’t notice them look at each other.

“Richie.” Bill said. Richie looked at him.

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?” He asked. Richie blinked.

_ Did he just ask if I was okay? He’s never asked if I was okay, is this the real Bill because he didn’t even stutter and- _

“Richie! Dude, you’ve gotta quit doing this man.” It was Mike this time, but he’d tapped Richie on the shoulder.

“Sorry. I’m okay, I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” It wasn’t a complete lie.

“Okay, and?” Eddie asked. Richie tensed just the tiniest bit. “Not sleeping much hasn’t ever made you straight up lose focus like that, not while we were having a conversation.”

_ How do you know, you always ignore me. _

“Is it your uncle again?” Bev asked.

“Huh? No, he’s in jail remember?”

“Yeah, but isn’t he getting out in a couple weeks?” She asked.

“What happened with his uncle?” Ben asked.

“I don’t wanna talk about that sorry piece of shit. I’m fine, guys, really. It’s not about him at all.” He grabbed his hoodie and pulled it over his head. “I need a smoke, I’ll see you next period.” He picked up his lunch tray and left without another word.

“He hardly touched his food.” Eddie said. “What’s going on with him?” He sighed, resting his forehead in the palm of his hand.

Richie leaned against the wall at the back of the cafeteria, earbuds in his ears, listening to a random playlist on Spotify. There were many songs he’d never heard before, and he felt like they summed him up completely, in a way. Most of them were so sad he thought he’d clicked on sad playlist, but he hadn’t. He didn’t know how long he stayed out there, smoking cigarette after cigarette, not even paying attention to the time.

Human by Christina Perri came on, and he scoffed, putting the rest of the cigarette out and back in the pack. He hated the song, he was never sure why, but any time he’d heard it, up until now, he would change it. But he didn’t this time.

And he cried.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day one definitely doesn’t go to plan. His friends are smarter and pay more attention than he thought. That doesn’t stop him from continuing his change on day two. And the day after, and the day after, and- you get the picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is short! I didn’t mean to take so long to update this, so sorry about that too. I’ve been busy all week, but as far as I know, I’m free to write all this week too! I’ll try and have another update by the fourth, but don’t hold me to that XD.
> 
> Confuss: No, I completely understand! You don’t sound mean at all! Okay so, I’m gonna try and word this in the best way I can XD.
> 
> Richie is in love with Eddie, yes. But Eddie isn’t always like that, and the reason for that will be explained in this one. They’re best friends, they’ve had some of the happiest moments together. Richie’s just.... focusing more on the bad things, I guess you could say, because he hasn’t exactly smiled or laugh (a real one, that is) since the beginning of the first chapter.
> 
> Eddie has expressed his concern for Richie, verbally and mentally, but like I said, Richie is focusing on the bad so he’s not really registering what Eddie’s saying because he’s convinced that Eddie hates him. I haven’t written much of Eddie talking to him yet, so I understand why you’re confused, so I’m sorry about that! I hope this cleared it up some!
> 
> Darkraider46: Sorry about the lack of Bev and Richie hugs! Trust me, there will be many of those in the next two chapters ;)

 

Richie is Eddie’s best friend, so when Stan came to him and asked why Richie thought he hated him, Eddie was confused. He’d started thinking back to the last few days, trying to think of what he might’ve said to Richie to hurt him (if that’s the case)

He didn’t realize it until after lunch, when he was sitting in his class and Richie was nowhere to be found _ … annoying ass… Leave me the fuck alone.  _ Fuck. He’d  _ never  _ told Richie to leave him alone, well, he had one time many years ago, and the reaction from Richie even had Eddie in tears. The other students were talking, loudly, so Eddie turned in his seat and looked at Bill.

“I fucked up.”

“What’d you do?”

“I told Richie to leave me alone.” He nearly whispered. Bill’s eyes widened a bit.

“Eddie, what the hell?” He exclaimed. “Y-you know how he feels w-when you say that! When  _ anyone  _ does! When?”

“I know! I said it Friday, that’s why he left. God, I didn’t even realize what I was saying, I was just  _ so  _ mad.” Bill sighed.

“First, you n-need to t-talk to Richie. Go over t-to his h-house and-”

“I’m grounded. I have to go straight home.”

“What the h-hell d-did you even do? Is that why you w-were so mad Friday?” Eddie nodded.

“I came out to my mom.” He said. Bill’s eyes grew as wide as saucers this time. “And you can see that she didn’t take it well. The thing is, she was trying to blame  _ Richie  _ for me being gay, but he’s  _ straight _ . I was defending him and then I go and fucking talk down to him. God, I’m such an idiot.”

“I’m glad you defended him.” Bill said, finally. “But you are a goddamn idiot. We always talk about how Richie doesn’t think before he speaks but you do it too, when you’re mad. You don’t think, you just do, like when you pushed him off the couch, that wasn’t your intention, was it?” Eddie shook his head. “When you’re mad, you’ll say and do shit just to hurt the other person, it doesn’t matter who it is. You need to apologize today, I don’t care if you have to sneak out-” The bell rang, “Or if you just call or text him. You better do it, Eddie.” Eddie swallowed and nodded.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. Bill patted his shoulder and left the room.

Richie wasn’t in the next class either, so he knew he left instead of just skipping the one period.

Eddie waited anxiously for the last bell to ring, tapping his pencil  on the desk so much Stan nearly smacked him. He  _ definitely  _ wasn’t gonna tell Stan about what he did, because he’d probably get slapped. Eddie was out of his seat and half way out of the room the second the bell rang. He didn’t even wait for his friends, he got on his bike and made his way towards Richie’s house. Fuck what his mom says. He was going to check on his best friend.

* * *

Richie couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried so hard, he sat in his truck in the parking lot for a while, silent tears running down his face. He’d continued listening to the playlist, and it was as though each song got  _ sadder _ , and he ugly cried. God awful, hiccuping sobs racking his body as he punched the seat next to him. He’d barely calmed himself down by the time he made it home, but he was thankful that neither parent was there. He did  _ not  _ need for them to see him like this. He dropped his bag on the floor and kicked his shoes off, leaning back on the door and pressing the heel of his hands to his eyes. He let out a huff of breath, stood there for a second ot two, and then plugged his phone into their stereo and pressed play on the sad playlist, turning the volume all the way up. He laid on the couch for two hours, just listening as the songs played and replayed a couple times.

He didn’t hear the banging on the door, he didn’t notice Eddie walking in, holding the spare key, nor did he hear Eddie yelling at him. When he finally looked somewhere other than the wall, he let out a yelp and nearly fell off the couch. He slapped his hand around for his phone until he grabbed it and turned the music off.

“Jesus Christ, Eds-Eddie! You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“How do you think I felt, Rich? You could have been in here dead or something and no one would know it. That shit was too loud.” He grumbled, plopping down next to Richie.

“Sorry.” He mumbled back. Eddie raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry? Did you just apologize to me?” He asked. Richie nodded. “Wha-Who are you and what have you done with Richie?” Richie smirked a little at that but shrugged. “You  _ never  _ apologize. What’s wrong?” Richie snorted.

“Why’d you assume something’s wrong? I mean, apologizing for doing something wrong is what you’re supposed to do, Eddie. Common sense, my friend.” He tapped his own head.

“Yeah, I’m aware. But why are you apologizing?”

“Because I know I shouldn’t have my music that loud, especially when I’m alone.” He shrugged innocently. Eddie crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes slightly when he got a good look at him.

“Richie.” Richie looked at him.

“What?”

“Have you been crying?” Richie made a face and chuckled.

“No. I don’t cry. Why?”

“You’re eyes are red and puffy, so’s your cheeks. Or have you been smoking? I don’t smell anything on you-”

“Your eyes don’t get puffy when you smoke, Eddie, just red. But to answer your question, no, I haven’t been.”

“So you have been crying? What’s wrong? Is it because of what I said Friday because I didn’t mean it,” Richie went to say something but Eddie didn’t give him a chance to, “I know you don’t like being told that and I did it anyways and I’m a horrible best friend. I was just in a bad mood because I came out to my mom and she tried to lock me in my room but I climbed out of my window like you do and-”

“Eddie, breathe! Breathe, okay?” Richie put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder and took the spare inhaler out, putting it up to his lips for him. He’d hardly taken a breath during his speech. He took a puff and,

“Thanks, Chee.” He choked, taking another puff. “Sorry, I got carried away.” Richie chuckled.

“I see that. And I know you didn’t mean it, Eddie… I shouldn’t have been bothering you like that to start with, so I’m sorry about that too.”

“What? No, stop apologizing. You were just being you and I was being a dick to you, to everyone, but you more, so  _ I’m  _ sorry. And… why do you keep saying my name?”

“Would you rather me call you something else…?”

“You just… you keep calling me Eddie. You called me Eds to start with but then corrected yourself.”

“Oh.”

“And you haven’t been calling anyone else their nicknames.” Richie bit his lip and shrugged.

“You guys don’t like them so… I’m just not gonna call you that anymore.”

“But-” He couldn’t finish the sentence, as someone  _ else  _ began banging on the door as if their life depended on it. “COME IN!” Eddie yelled, and soon, the rest of the Losers were in Richie’s living room, arms crossed over their chests and staring at him.

“Richard Tozier, what in God’s name is wrong?” Stan asked. 

“Nothing?”

“Bullshit, Richie.” Ben rolled his eyes. 

“Have you been smoking without me?” Bev asked. “Or crying?”

“Neither.” Richie said.

“Crying. But he won’t tell me why.” Eddie said over him. Richie started grumbling under his breath and brought his knees up to his chest. Everyone sat around the living room, on the floor or the two arm chairs, and Bev sat on the other side of Richie.

“What is this, an intervention or something?” He asked.

“We don’t know what’s wrong, so no.” Eddie shrugged. Richie chuckled at that, but then shrugged himself.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, guys.” He said.

_ Liar. _

“I’m just having an off day, I guess.” He gave them a big grin, and they relaxed a little at the sight.

_ Liar. _

“Are you sure, Chee?” Eddie asked. Richie smiled at him and nodded.

“I’m sure.”

_ Liar. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie makes a decision about the fundraiser audition, and we have some Bev and Richie moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This definitely isn't my best, and it isn't necessarily a filler chapter, but you could probably call it that haha. Also, notice how there isn't a set number of chapters? This is definitely gonna be more then five XD.

_ I should’ve known my friends would notice the change, they called my ass out almost immediately lmao. God, they’re so smart and I love them so much it hurts. And E… he came out to his insane mom, that’s why he said what he did. I forgave him, yeah, because he freaked out so bad while he was apologizing he had a asthma attack. But it makes me wonder, if he can come out to his mom, I can come out to my parents… idk, staying in the closet seems like a GREAT idea if you ask me. Anyways, I’m nervous as all fuck because the choir director wants me to sing at a fundraiser thing and I don’t know if I should. Thoughts? _

* * *

 

**Thursday, November 30, 2017**

Richie should’ve known that changing all of a sudden like that would have been suspicious, so he decided to slow it down some, using the more subtle nicknames, like Bevvie, Stanny, Mike, Billy, Ed, and Benny. Yeah, okay, those were just simple, not as thought out nicknames that everyone else calls each other, and he could hardly stand calling them anything  _ other  _ than his nicknames, but he did. He continued putting gel in his hair, because he did actually like that, and he still wore his band shirts but he didn’t wear anything other than a plain jacket or hoodie over them. He kept the mom jokes to a minimum, probably one a day, and tried not to cuss as frequently as usual. He made a small change everyday until their three day (technically five, counting the weekend) break for Thanksgiving, and on the days that they were all together, he still made changes. Usually talking a little less, or saying one less joke, or not saying a mom joke at all.

Besides the subtle changes he made everyday, which was  _ hard  _ to do, he had another thought on his mind. The fundraiser thing Mrs. Gandy was talking about. One day, he’d be all for it, the next he’d be completely against it, and he didn’t want to bring it up to the Losers because they’d probably think it was a bad idea, that he’d sounds like an idiot when he talks, let alone when he sings, even though none of them have ever heard him.

He made a decision the Thursday after Thanksgiving, only a couple days before the audition, which was on Saturday. When the bell for lunch rang, he went straight to the choir room, where Mrs. Gandy was sitting at her desk, no student in sight. She looked up when she heard footsteps and smiled as Richie meekly poked his head in.

“Hey, got a minute?” He asked. 

“Of course. Come, sit down.” She gestured to the chair in front of her desk and he did as he was told, dropping his bag next to him. “What’s up?”

“I, um, I want to audition on Saturday.” She smiled so wide her teeth showed, which was a rare sight, as she’d told him that she didn’t like her teeth either, but that was because they were crooked. He loved her teeth, if you asked him.

“Really?” He nodded.

“But… I don’t know what to sing.” He said, finally. “I’ve been having a internal battle whether or not to audition, along with what song I would do if I did.”

“Okay, well, what are the songs you want to audition with? It can be anything.”

“Um, Chasing Cars is one of them, but I don’t know. Um, I was thinking either Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson, Please Don’t Go by Joel Adams and Not In That Way by Sam Smith.”

“Hmm, I’ve heard all of those except Please Don’t Go. Could you maybe sing a little for me?” She asked.

“Uh…” He rubbed his hands on his jeans and nodded. “Yeah, I can.” He stood and went over to the piano, and sang half of the song before stopping, his cheeks bright red, and looked at Mrs. Gandy, who had her hands clasped over her chest.

“Richie, Sweetie, you shouldn’t do that song for your audition.” He furrowed his brows in confusion. “You should sing that at the fundraiser itself.” He grinned a wide grin at her, and she grinned right back. “That was amazing, Richie. Honestly, the humming? Holy shit, excuse my language.” He chuckled.

“Thanks.” He blushed.

“No, thank  _ you _ for blessing my ears today. I think you should sing Chasing Cars for your audition. You could sing Cotton Eye Joe,” He laughed at that,” and still get in, but I loved the way you sang it the other week.” She smiled at him, and he nodded.

“Okay, I can do that. Um, how many other people are auditioning?”

“You and another girl.” She replied breezily. He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, not many people want to do this kind of thing, so me and the judges decided that, those who wanted to, could sing two or three songs. There’s only six people on the list now, and probably eight after Saturday, depending on if she can sing.”

“Who is she?” He asked.

“I can’t tell you. She doesn’t want anyone to know. But you do know her.” He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve talked to her before, if that narrows it down.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Oh very funny.” He replied sarcastically and she laughed. “You’re right though.”

* * *

**Friday, December 1, 2017**

Richie was nervous as all hell the rest of Thursday and all day today, and couldn’t sit still, constantly tapping his fingers or bouncing his knee. At the end of the day, Richie and Eddie were on the way to his truck, after saying goodbye to the rest of the Losers, when Bev ran up to them.

“Hey Rich, can you give me a ride?” She asked. “I forgot that Ben rode with Stan today and they don’t have enough room with the other two.”

“You could always sit in Ben’s lap.” Eddie said, raising an eyebrow at her. She flipped him off. Richie chuckled.

“Yeah, come on.” He told her, hopping into the truck.

After they dropped Eddie off, Bev climbed into the front instead of getting out and getting back in through the door.

“I can do this because I’m small.” She told Richie, when he gave her a weird look. He snorted.

“Just imagine me trying to do that.”

“You wouldn’t make it, that’s for sure.” She settled comfortably, putting her seat belt on. “So, I lied.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t need a ride home.”

_ Oh shit, is she gonna ask about me acting different? Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck- _

“Can I stay the night?” She asked. He blinked and looked at her.

“Oh. Uh, yeah, Alvin giving you trouble?”

“When isn’t he?” She muttered. “Yeah. I can’t wait until I’m eighteen.” She sighed.

“I’m sorry. You know you can stay whenever you want. Mom and dad love you.” She smiled at him.

“I know, it’s not your fault. He’ll get suspicious if I stay for more than a night or two away from the hell house. And I love them too.” He bit his lip.

“I wish they could do something.” He said. “They probably could, dad knows people.” She raised an eyebrow, but shook her head.

“I’d have to go into the system or something if he was to get arrested or something. I’d be able to live with my aunt in Portland but I’m not leaving you guys.”

“I’d rather you live farther away than with him.”

“I know, but you guys mean too much to me.” He gave her a small smile.

Richie’s parents were home when they arrived, which surprised Richie as they usually weren’t home until around six. Bev noticed too, and looked at him, but he just shrugged and got out. He opened the door.

“Ma! Dad! We’re home!” He called as the two yelled,

“Surprise!” He jumped a little at the fact, and his eyes widened when he saw the grand piano between them.

“Holy shit.” He whispered. The two were grinning from ear to ear.

“We told you a couple weeks because we wanted it to be a surprise.” Went explained.

“Come on, come try it out. We want you to be the first to play.” Maggie said, smiling at him. Then she noticed Bev, who looked confused, but was smiling. “Hey, Bev! Are you staying the night?”

“If it’s okay with you two.” She said, biting her lip.

“Of course, kiddo.” Went said. “Richie, get your ass over here and play something for us.” Bev pushed Richie towards them and he stumbled a little, sending her a glare, which she snickered at. He ran his hand over the top of the piano as he rounded it, the top smooth and cool against his fingers. He sat on the bench, fingers hovering over the keys.

“He’s never been speechless like this before.” Maggie whispered to Bev. 

“I didn’t know he played.” She whispered back, her jaw dropping slightly as he began playing. She recognized the song, but couldn’t remember the name of it. He played a small bit of it, and stopped, looking at the three.

“Thank you.” He said, looking between his parents. “I… I didn’t expect it to be this one.”

“Like we said, surprise!” Went did jazz hands and Richie laughed.

A few hours later, after the four had had dinner, Richie and Bev were sprawled out on Richie’s bed, watching a movie on his computer when Bev said,

“Hey Rich?”

“Hm?” He paused the movie and turned his head slightly so he could look down at her, where she rested her head on his shoulder, looking up at him. 

“I, uh…” He swallowed, waiting for her to speak.

_ Did I do something wrong? I thought everything was going good. I probably called her a nickname without realizing it- _

“I just wanted to say thank you, for being you.” She said, finally. “For caring and letting me stay here. And… I feel like I don’t say it enough, but… I love you, Richie. You’re one of the most important people in my life.”

“You’re gonna make me cry, Bevvie.” He said, voice shaking just barely. He swallowed again as she let out a small giggle. “But I love you too. You’re the sister I never had, never thought I’d have. You’re my best friend. I say that about all of you but... I’m pretty sure it’s you.” She grinned at him.

“You’re my best friend too, Rich.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a homophobic slur and mentions of attempted rape and abuse in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long, I’ve been busy as hell. Hopefully the next one won’t take as long, but no promises!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys like this one. I'm not so sure about it but oh wel

 

“Hey Rich?” Bev asked for the second time that night.

“Yeah?”

“I have to be at the school at three tomorrow… Do you think you could take me? I won’t be there too long so you could stay if you wanted.” He made a face, rolling over onto his stomach and looking at her.

“For what?”

“You know the fundraiser they’re having in January?” She asked. His breath caught in his throat and she raised her eyebrows.

_ Bev is the girl. Of all people. _

“You okay?” She asked.

“Um, yeah I can take you. I have to be there then too anyways.” He told her, swallowing harshly. She made a face.

“Why are you… Oh! Are you auditioning too?” She asked, grinning at him toothily. He bit his lip and nodded. “Just to play piano or guitar?” She asked.

“Piano,” He hesitated, “and sing.” Her eyes widened.

“No way!” She slapped his shoulder lightly. “That’s awesome! I didn’t know you could sing!”   
“Only ma, dad and Mrs. Gandy know… and now you, I guess?”

“What song are you singing? I’m singing What’s Up.” She said excitedly.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out, my dear.” He grinned back at her as she pouted.

“No fair! I told you what I was singing!”

“Okay but honestly what other song  _ would  _ you sing?”

“Fair point.”

* * *

 

**Saturday, December 2, 2017**

“I see you two figured out who the other was.” Mrs. Gandy said, wiggling her eyebrows as the two walked to the front of the school, Richie’s arm draped over Bev’s shoulders.

“Yes ma’am we did.” Richie said, grinning at her. “She stayed over last night and asked me to give her a ride here, so I kind of had to tell her.” She chuckled, then raised an eyebrow.

“You two are together?” She asked, confused. Richie choked on a laugh and Bev giggled, shaking her head.

“We’re best friends. I’m dating Ben Hanscom.”

“Ben Handsome you mean?” Richie joked. She snorted but nodded.

“Did you tell each other what songs you’re singing?” She asked, leading them to the choir room. Richie snorted.

“I didn’t tell her what  _ I  _ was singing but she told me what she was. I figured she’d sing it though, so.” He shrugged and Bev pinched his side. Mrs. Gandy snorted.

“Who’s up first?” She asked as they walked into the choir room, where there were three seniors and two other teachers that neither of them had ever had-or seen for that matter, were sitting in chairs.

“Ladies first.” Richie said immediately, giving Bev a giant grin. She snorted.

“Got stage fright, Tozier?” She teased.

_ You could say that. _

“Psh, no. Always save the best for last.” He winked at her and she smacked him. He snickered and sat down in one of the chairs. He was handed a guitar and he raised an eyebrow at Bev, who’d handed it to him.

“What? I want you to play it for me.” She said, as if it was obvious.

“Oh.” He nodded. He started playing when she gave him the signal.

“Wow, Marsh, I didn’t know you could sing.” One of the seniors said as they clapped. She just shrugged.

“You ready to sing, Richie?” Mrs. Gandy asked. He bit his lip and nodded, standing up. Bev high fived him on his way to the piano. He waited a couple seconds, for everyone to stop talking and began playing.

“ _ We’ll do it all, everything, on our own… _ ”

Bev’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head the entire time. She knew he could play piano after yesterday, but singing? She never would’ve thought. She’s heard him sing- well, scream along to a song at the top of his lungs- before, but never this well. She teared up, too. The way he was singing it, like it was everything he was feeling, just got to her. A lone tear fell at the end, and he looked up nervously, to see them all- even Mrs. Gandy- staring at him in shock.

“Um… Is the staring at me a good thing or was I that bad?” He asked.

“Dude. You’ve got red crying.” One of the other seniors said, and he looked at Bev, who was red eyed. He blinked, confused. Then he glared at him for calling her red. “What? It was good? Didn’t think you had it in you, kid.”

“I’m a year younger than you.” Richie retorted. Bev snorted.

“I think we can all agree that we have two more performers for the fundraiser, yeah?” They all agreed and Mrs. Gandy sent the two on their way. Bev had yet to say anything to him, and that made him nervous. They were getting in the truck when someone yelled,

“You’re a faggot, Tozier!” He just rolled his eyes and slammed the door shut.

“It takes one to know one.” He muttered. Bev choked on her spit and he looked over at her, realizing he’d said it loud enough for her to hear.

“Richie.” She questioned, though it was more of a statement. “Are you… Are you gay?” She asked. He shook his head.

“No.”

“Oh.” She almost looked a little sad at the fact and he made a face when she looked away.

“I’m bi though.” Her gaze snapped back towards him and he stared out the windshield, gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

_ Oh fuck, I just came out to someone. Holy actual shit she’s probably gonna hate me because I didn’t tell her and because I’ve been lying to them all about me being straight and- Oh my God. _

“Richie? Are you okay?” She asked softly, putting a hand on his arm.

“You’re the only one that knows.” He choked out. “The only one I’ve told.”

“Oh, Rich. Come here.” She pulled him by the arms gently and wrapped hers around him, hugging him tightly.

“Please don’t hate me.” He whispered.

“Why would I hate you? I could never.”

“Because I lied to you.” He sniffed

“How did you lie to me? I wouldn’t count that as a lie, Rich.”

“I’ve been telling you I’m straight all this time and I… I’m  _ not _ . I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, babes.” She said, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not mad at you. You shouldn’t feel like you’re lying to me, or the others. They’d understand, and they’ll still love you. It wouldn’t matter if you were in love with an alpaca, they’d still love you.”

“They’d expect  _ that _ from me.” He said and she laughed.

“They would. They’d probably just laugh and say  _ okay, Richie. _ ” He chuckled quietly, and wiped at his eyes.

“Yeah, they would.”

* * *

Richie thought the rest of the day was gonna go by smoothly, and it had, for the most part. He and Bev hung out at his house for hours, went and got dinner, and he dropped her off at home. He made cookies with his mom and joked around with her, feeling the best he had in months, when there was a knock on the door.

“Can you get it?” She asked him. “I’ve gotta check on the cookies.” He nodded and jogged to the door. He opened, and nearly screamed. Bev was standing there, soaking wet from the rain- that he’s just now noticed- half naked, using her arms to cover up her bare chest.

“What the fuck?” He exclaimed. “Oh my God, come in, come  _ in _ .” He gently pulled her inside and shut the door using his foot, wrapping her in his arms. “Mom!” He yelled at the top of his lungs.

“Jesus, Richie, what is- holy fu- Wentworth! Get your ass down here right now! And bring some towels!” She yelled. She rushed into the living room and grabbed a blanket, wrapping it around Bev’s shivering form, and covering her up. She rubbed up and down her shoulders.

“What’s going on?” Went asked, arms full of towels. His eyes widened at the sight of his wife and son huddled around Bev. The side of her face was black and blue and she had blood dripping from her lips. His eyes narrowed and his blood boiled, knowing exactly who did it. He rushed and gave Maggie the towels and went in the bathroom to get the first aid kit. From the, “Who the fuck did this to you,” he heard, he assumed the two finally saw her face. He returned to the living room, every light on, to Richie sitting on the couch next to her, and she hadn’t said a word. He handed Maggie the kit and sat next to her- across from Richie- on the coffee table. She wouldn’t let go of Richie, so it was hard for Maggie to get a good look at her injuries, but she did as best she could.

“Bev, what happened?’ Went asked softly.

“Dad…” Richie shook his head.

“I need to know, Rich. If it was that sorry fuck-”

“He t-t-tried t-to… t-to- he almost- he pulled down his- he h-hit m-me and ki-kicked me.” She barely managed to get out. “H-he d-destroyed all-all my clothes. B-burned them because I-I smoke. Tore m-my shirt o-off m-me after I sh-showered.” She squeezed Richie’s arm’s tighter and let out a choked sob.

“Did he… did he do anything else?” Maggie asked softly. Bev shook her head.

“He- he tried to but I-I r-ran before he co-could.”

“Good. C’mon, let’s get you a warm shower- or would you rather have a bath?” Maggie asked.

“Shower. Want to hu-hurry and get b-back to R-Richie.”

“Alright, Billiam.” Richie joked softly and she let out a short, breathy laugh. She slowly let him go, but latched onto Maggie as she led her up the stairs.  Richie watched them go until they were out of his sight and he turned to his dad with tears in his eyes.

“Dad-”

“Don’t worry, son. She’s never going to see him again.  _ Never _ .”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bev wants the Toziers to adopt her and Ben is a little bit of a dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SO SORRY for taking so long guys! I've had no inspiration for any story, really, and this isn't the greatest, but hopefully the next update won't take almost two months!

It felt like forever before Maggie and Bev finally came back downstairs, Bev wearing one of Richie’s shirts and a pair of Maggie’s sweatpants. She practically fell into Richie’s arms and hugged him tightly.

“Hey, Sweets. Feel a little better now?” He asked. She nodded. He glanced back at the kitchen where his parents were talking quietly. Bev was still shivering so he pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over them, tucking it under him as much as he could to trap the heat. He ran his fingers through her hair. “Do you want me to text or call anyone?” She shook her head.

“Too late.” She whispered. “And Ben isn’t home.”

“Do you know when he gets back?”

“Tomorrow.” She said. He nodded. The two stayed silent, trying to listen to what was being said in the kitchen between his parents, and whoever was on the phone, but they couldn’t make anything out. A few minutes later, they came back in the living room and Maggie sat on the other side of Bev, and Went on the coffee table again.

“Bev, I… I’m sorry that I let it go this far.” He said quietly.

“Wha-?” She made a face. “It’s not your fault.”

“Dad-”

“Look, it is. I knew that he was abusive.”

“I did too.” Maggie said, rubbing her hand up and down Bev’s arm comfortingly. “We should have done something about it years ago.”

“You didn’t know he would do… do this.” Bev whispered.

“We should’ve seen it coming.” Went said. “Tomorrow morning, Maggie and I are going to talk with some people, like we did with… with your uncle.” Richie bit his lip and nodded. “I just got off the phone with Bowers, they got him in custody, so sometime tomorrow, we can go and get your clothes, okay?” She swallowed harshly and nodded.

“You don’t have to go, though, Sweetie.” Maggie told her. Bev let out a breath of relief.

“Thank you.”

“We’ll get everything handled.”

“Uh…” The three looked at Richie. “Is she gonna be able to stay here?” He asked. “Or are social services gonna take her or something.”

“We’re not letting them.” Went told them honestly.

“She’s staying here. I don’t care how hard we have to fight it, right, Went?” Maggie looked at him and he nodded immediately.

“You’re like a daughter to us, Bev. You’re not getting away from us easily.” She smiled slightly at that.

“Are you hungry or anything, Sweetie?” Maggie asked, and she shook her head. She looked at Richie who did the same.

“Appetite’s gone vamoose.” He told her and she chuckled.

“Okay, well, you two should go on up to bed and try and get some sleep, okay?” They nodded and Richie stood, helping her up.

“Hey, Sweets, want a piggyback ride up the stairs?” She nodded and he helped her stand on the couch and she hopped on his back. “Goodnight, love you guys.”

“Love you.” Bev echoed.

“We love you too.” Went ruffled their hair and Maggie kissed their cheeks and Richie made his way up the stairs.

“Getting strong.” Bev whispered. Richie chuckled and shrugged a little.

“You weigh little to nothing, like Eds.” She let out a breathy laugh. “Um, do you want to go to the guest room?” He asked, stopping in the hallway. He felt her shake her head.

“I wanna stay with you.”

“Okie dokie.” He took her in his room and set her on the bed and shut his door somewhat. She was already under the blankets against the wall when he turned around. He chuckled and, already in his pajamas, joined her on his bed, wrapping his arms around her. “The guys are gonna be mad at me, aren’t they?”

“Why?”

“For not telling them sooner.”

“They better not be.” She mumbled. “I’ll beat their asses. I’m the one that didn’t want you to say anything.”

“I’ll record it.”

“Please do.” It was quiet for a few minutes, and she whispered. “Rich?”

“Hm?”

“Do you think… that they would adopt me if I asked?” Richie’s eyes popped open and he looked down at her, squinting- which didn’t help the blurriness.

“You want to be apart of our insane family? Like… legally?”

“I mean… I kinda am already, right? Just not legally.”

“Of course. You do know that you’d be my sister, right?”

“Aren’t I already?”

“Smartass. I think they would, though. That’d be… probably the best thing to ever happen to me, honestly.” He told her.

“Really?” He nodded. “Same.” He chuckled. She yawned and scooted closer to him, and he squeezed her tighter.

“Go to sleep, Sweets. I got you.” She nodded into his shoulder.

“G’night. Love you.”

“Night, love you too.”

* * *

 

**Sunday, December 3, 2017**

The next morning, Went and Maggie woke Richie up to tell him they were leaving, and when they left, he fell back to sleep for a couple hours. When he woke up, Bev was coming back into the room from the bathroom.

“Morning.” She said, rubbing her eyes.

“Morning.” He stood up and stretched, making a weird noise, and shoved his glasses on his face. He kissed her cheek. “I’ma go pee and we’ll go get breakfast, m’kay?” She nodded. He went and did his business and they made eggs and toast- Richie made the eggs and Bev made the toast.

“Have you checked the chat?” She asked him after they ate. “My phone is kind of… probably broken to pieces somewhere.”

“Uh, no…” Before he had a chance to even pull out his phone,

“Why didn’t you fucking call me, Richie?” Ben exclaimed, storming into the house without even knocking, the rest of the Losers behind him. “I deserved to know!”

“What the fuck!” Richie exclaimed, flinching at the sudden, loud voice. “Look, Bev didn’t want me to call you, so I didn’t.” Richie said, not looking at him, or anyone else.

“I don’t care, you should have called or texted me. Let me know _something_ instead of finding out over a fucking _Facebook_ post from _Bowers_.”

“Ben, I’m not in the mood to argue with you.” Richie stated calmly. “Stop swearing at me, or you can get the _fuck_ out of my house. You should be thankful that I opened that door last night.”

“Don’t give me that shit, Richie. Do you know how scared I was when I read that article? How scared all of us had been?”

“Come on, let’s all calm down.” Mike said, standing between them and holding his hands up.

“You can‘t say a goddamn thing, Ben.” Richie hissed, completely ignoring Mike. “I saw her, standing in the freezing rain, half naked. There was blood dripping from her lips, and she was shivering so bad. She told me and my parents that… that her sorry piece of shit father tried to _rape_ her. I was terrified. Terrified for her, my best friend, my _sister_ . And you’re going to stand in _my_ house and yell at me like it’s my fault. I know everything is usually my fault, but this fucking isn’t.”

“She was with you all day yesterday. How am I supposed to know it isn’t?”

“Ben!” Bev exclaimed, surprising everyone.

“What the fuck?” Eddie yelled, standing next to Richie.

“You’ve gone too far, Ben.” Bill said, shaking his head. Richie stared at Ben like he killed a puppy in front of him. Ben’s eyes widened when he realized what he said.

“Get the _fuck_ out of my house, Hanscom.” He growled. “ _Now._ ”

“Richie, I-” Ben started.

“Go.” Richie pointed at the door. “I swear to God, I will _make_ you get out. Don’t fucking test me.” Ben looked at Bev and she just looked away from him. He hung his head and walked out the door, shutting it behind him quietly.

“Richie…” Stan started but Richie held a hand up.

“I… will be in my room for a while. You are _all_ welcome to stay as long as you want but… please don’t bother me.” He _ran_ up the stairs.

“That’s not safe.” Eddie whispered to himself, watching him go. Stan gave him a look. “Sorry, habit.” The boys all looked at Bev, who looked just as shocked as him.

“That… really just came out of my boyfriend’s mouth?” She asked. They nodded. “I… Ben, of all people. How _could_ he?” She covered her face with her hands and let out a quiet sob. Mike pulled her into his arms and she cried into his shoulder. “Why would he blame Richie for something like _that_?”

“He didn’t know what he was saying, Bev.” Stan said, attempting to comfort her.

“It’s bullshit, Stan! He shouldn’t have said it, let alone thought it.”

“I know, I agree. He went way too far, but I’m sure you would be mad if something happened to him and you had to find out from someone outside of your group.”

“That’s not the point. Yeah, I’d be mad, but I wouldn’t be blaming the person who brought me into their home for something that was completely out of their hands.” She wiped her eyes and pulled away from Mike, crossing her arms. “Richie did what I asked him to. Not to say anything. He respected my wishes like he always does. Can I borrow one of you guys phones? I don’t have mine and I need to talk to Ben.” She said matter of factly, like she hadn’t been crying a minute ago. Mike handed her his phone and she thanked him, walking into the kitchen. The rest of them sat down and didn’t say anything for a bit.

“This b-been some d-d-day, huh?” Bill said. Stan patted his shoulder and gave him a nod. They could faintly hear Bev in the kitchen, and some music from up stairs.

“Hold up.” Eddie mad a face. “Where the fuck did that piano come from?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it wasn’t two months this time! Yay! I hope this clears up everything with Ben and how he acted last chapter!

A few hours after the incident with Ben, said boy came back with gifts to apologize. He was a crying mess when he was talking to Bev on the phone, and promised he’d do anything to make it up to Richie.

He came with ice cream, candy, and pizza, enough for everyone- even Richie’s parents when they got home, and asked if he could talk to Richie. Stan didn’t spare a glance at Ben as he set everything up in the living room while Eddie and Bev went upstairs to get Richie. None of them had seen or heard a word from him since, music being the only thing heard coming from his room. Eddie knocked on the door loudly and the music stopped, and a faint, “Come in,” was heard. Eddie opened the door and the two walked in, only to see Richie just lying on his bed, looking at his phone. Eddie sat by his feet and Bev sat by his head.

“Ben’s back.” She told him softly. He snorted.

“Cut right to the chase, huh? He back to blame me some more?”

“He wants to apologize to you face to face.” Eddie said. Richie looked at him. “Said that you wouldn’t answer his texts.”

“Damn right I didn’t answer them.” He sat up. “Send ole Benny boy in.” The two stood up and as Eddie left the room, Bev said,

“Don’t go too hard on him, Rich. I know what he said was fucked up but just hear him out. I called him and he cried like a baby- looks like he’s been crying for a while.” 

“I cry all the time too, he ain’t special.” Richie muttered, but Bev heard him.

“What?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not important.” He waved her off and he looked at the door, where Ben was nervously waiting.

“I’ll still be downstairs, Tozier. If I hear screaming I know what to do.” She gave him a look and he rolled his eyes.

“He could snap me like a twig and you know it.” She chuckled and left the room. “Come in, Ben.” Richie said, crossing his arms. Ben walked in hesitantly, and damn, Bev wasn’t wrong. His face was swollen and red and blotchy. “You can sit in the chair.” He gestured to his rolling chair at his desk. Ben did so.

“Richie, I-”

“No, I wanna say something first.” Ben nodded immediately. “First off, fuck you.”

“I deserve that.”

“Not only that, but a punch to the face. Maybe knock some sense into you.” Ben nodded. “That’s all. Carry on.”

“I’m so sorry.” He started. “I can’t believe I said that to you, and I want you to know that I didn’t mean it. I know you wouldn’t like, do that? Or like, help make it happen, whatever. You know what I mean. When I saw that post, I got so angry. At first it was at that sorry piece of crap, and then I asked everyone else if Bev was with them and they said no, I knew she had to be here. I wasn’t thinking straight and I shouldn’t have come into your home, swearing at you and blaming you for something I know you wouldn’t do. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I can hope we can remain friends. You’re practically a brother to me, Richie, and I don’t think I could handle you not speaking to me.”

“No, you don’t. At least not yet.” Richie said, finally, after a few minutes of silence. “I’m always gonna be your friend, Ben, but it’s gonna take a lot more than just a few I’m sorry’s. You don’t have to do anything, just give me time. I’ve always thought you were better than that, you know? Did you know about Bev’s audition yesterday?” Ben nodded. “I took her and joined her, listened to her sing. On the way in Mrs. Gandy asked if we were together, and Bev said she was dating Ben Hanscom. You know what I said?” Ben shook his head. “I said Ben Handsome, get it? Cause you’re handsome. I’ve never said or  _ had  _ to say a bad thing about you, Ben, and I hope I never have to. Not again, at least, although I technically haven’t said anything bad about you.”

“Thank you.” Ben said softly. “Thank you for not punching me, or anything, and for what you said yesterday. Thank you for taking care of her, I know she’s my first girlfriend, but I intend for her to be my last. I love her so much, and I was so worried, so mad. Mad at myself because I couldn’t protect her when she needed me. I understand that you need time, and I’ll wait as long as you need me to.” Richie gave him a small smile.

“I’m happy that you love her so much. I love Bev to death- hell, at this point she could legally become my sister.” Ben’s eyes widened at that. “Don’t repeat that, we don’t know for sure. We still gotta talk to my parents. Anyways, I just want you to know that if you ever hurt her I will literally beat your ass. I know you can snap me like a twig but I’m deadass about this. I’d kill the fucking shit that calls himself a father if I had the chance.” Ben flinched a little at the tone of voice he took. “I’m not like trying to scare you too much, just know that I’d fight for all of you. Her especially, and not just because she’s a girl.”

“No, no, I get it. I get what you’re saying one hundred percent, I’d fight anyone for you guys too. But uh, the fact that I believe you could kill someone if you had to scares me a bit.”

“Wanna just go shake on it and go watch movies with everyone or something?” Richie asked. Ben chuckled and nodded, holding out a hand. He half expected Richie to pull him into a hug and was a little disappointed when he didn’t, but the two stood up and headed downstairs.

“I see Ben is alive.” Bev said, taking a bite out of pizza.

“Where’d you get pizza- oh shit yes!” Richie practically jumped the last four steps- nearly busting his ass in the process- and snatched a piece out of the box.

“Jesus, Richie, are you trying to kill yourself?” Eddie shrieked.

“I’m fine, Eddie.” Richie waved him off.

“Ben brought it for you.” Mike said. Richie looked at Ben, who nodded bashfully.

“Cool, thanks Benny.” Richie said, stuffing his mouth. For the next hour and a half, everyone ate pizza and junk food, and then the Toziers got home, bags filled with stuff.

“So, we got all the valuables we could find in your room, jewelry, your stuff for school, your essentials, and went and bought you some new underwear and some shirts and pants.” Maggie said, not paying anyone any attention as she rattled off what they got for Bev, who was surprised.

“You already went to the apartment?” She asked softly, standing up.

“We did. I told you we would.” Wentworth said. “Oh, pizza!” He dropped the bags.

“Jesus Christ, Went, we were having a moment!” Maggie smacked his shoulder and he shrugged innocently, stuffing his face, much like his son did. Everyone chuckled. “Oh, hi guys! I didn’t see your cars. I just wanted to hurry and get her stuff to her that I wasn’t paying attention.”

“It’s okay, Mrs. Tozier.” Stan said with a smile.

“Call me Maggie, Stan, how many more times do I have to tell you?”

“I’m always going to call you Mrs. Tozier.” Stan replied. She chuckled and patted his shoulder. 

“If you ever get tired of saying our last name, just call me Maggie. Bev, do you want to look through your stuff now or wait until later?”

“Um, later I think.” She said, biting her lip.

“That’s fine! We can get you set up in the guest room until we get you actual furniture and stuff.”

“So she’s going to be staying here?” Mike asked.

“P-permanently?” Bill asked.

“Mhm. We’ve still got lots of paperwork and court and everything over the next few months, but it’s official as of an hour ago that she is living with us, at last until further notice. Further notice is not on my list of things to worry about, though, because further notice is until she  _ wants  _ to move out.” Went said matter of factly.

“I freaking love you guys.” Bev said, choking up as she threw herself at Went. He chuckled in surprise and hugged her back. Maggie joined the hug and rubbed her back.

“We love you too, Sweets.” Richie said, wrapping his arms around the three of them.

“That’s a sight I like to see.” Eddie joked. Richie looked back at him and gave him a grin.

* * *

Later on that night, once everyone finally left for the night, the four sat down at the dinner table for dinner and talked about what was going to happen over the next few weeks.

“I know I’m saying nothing is official, but we’re determined to keep you here, Bev.” Went said. “And considering I’m a damn good lawyer, I can convince the fuck out of anyone.”

“Language, Went.” Maggie said, looking at him pointedly. “What he’s saying is, there’s a very high chance that you’re staying with us, and we want to get you settled in.” Bev nodded, looking at Richie who grinned.

“Are you…” She paused for a second, “Are you going to… adopt me?” She asked, cringing a little at the way her voice cracked. The two looked at each other, surprised.

“Do you want us to?” Maggie asked.

“Yeah, I do.” She nodded. “Honestly, even before all this happened I’d thought about you guys being my parents, and I want it to be real, not just in my daydreams, you know? I never really knew my mom, and my… he was nothing but shit to me. And her. I’ve never felt safe with him, but I  _ always  _ feel safe here.”

“Bev, sweetie, we would  _ love  _ to adopt you. You’re already a daughter to us.” Went nodded in agreement. She smiled brightly and looked at Richie, who had a matching smile.

“Now, when you’re feeling up to it, or when you… heal enough that you feel comfortable,” Maggie was talking about the bruises on her face. “We’re gonna go out and buy you as much stuff as you want. And I mean clothes, makeup, paint for your room, decorations,  _ anything  _ you want, because you deserve it.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Bev told them. “I have some money, I can buy my clothes.”

“This isn’t up for discussion, Bev.” Went told her jokingly. “We’re buying you whatever you want, whether you like it or not.”

“They’re gonna do it either way, Sweets.” Richie told her. “They won’t give up until you agree.” She looked at the two and they nodded. She sighed.

“Fine.” She said, smiling a little.

“As for school, Richie, you can have a day or two off- we don’t want you missing too much, either of you, but that’s how it’s gonna be. I’m calling school tomorrow- I’m sure they all know what’s going on- and I’m telling them you won’t be in school until say, Wednesday?” Richie nodded. “And Bev, we’ll figure it out for you, okay?” She nodded.

“I don’t want to get too behind.” She said.

“I’ve got you.” Richie told her. “I’ll help you with everything.” 

“Okay. Sometimes I forget that you’re smart without even trying.” He shrugged.

“It is a gift.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think I need to explain myself, but I’m going to lmao; I’m very aware that there hasn’t been much Reddie interaction yet, that’s coming up (there’s some in this one) but Richie has been dealing with other things but trust me, you’re getting a whole ass chapter of Richie freaking out over Eddie soon enough :D  
> Also! Remember when I mentioned Richie’s uncle? And how he’s in jail but getting out soon? Yeah, that’s happening fairly soon and there will be some backstory on it, promise. It’s something Richie’s tried to block out for years and no one- not even Bev- know the story behind it.  
> Sorry this has taken so long to update! No promises for when the next one will be out, but I have some ideas for the next couple and I know what’s going to happen- it’s just the writing that’s difficult.

**Friday, December 8, 2017**

Richie went back to school on Wednesday, and he was in no way, shape or form being dramatic when he said it fucking sucked. Everyone was whispering and looking at him as he walked through the halls, whether it be with or without the rest of the group. Some people even came up to him asking him shit that was nowhere near close to the truth. He’d even over heard people saying such bad shit about Bev that he wanted to punch everyone- girl or boy- and by Friday, he’d had enough.

Standing up on one of the tables at lunch, Richie yelled as loud as he could,

“Hey fuckers! If any of you have _one_ singular mother fucking thing to say about Beverly Marsh, say it to _me_ . You got a problem with her living with me? Take it up with me. If you think she _let_ her father do what he did, take it up with the devil because you’re fucking stupid. If you believe every rumor you hear? You’re the dumbest fucking bitches I’ve ever seen. Look up the definition of rumor, that’ll tell you all you need to know. Mind your own goddamn business and stay out of ours!” He jumped off the table, grabbed his bag, and stormed out of the cafeteria.

“Where ya going, Bucky Beaver?” Henry sneered as Richie stormed past him.

“Fuck off, Bowers. That name is old as fuck and completely irrelevant.” He hissed.

“Fucking nerd.”

“I’d rather be a nerd than some fucking dumbass like you, Bowers.” Richie knew he’d regret arguing with the ass, but at the same time, he was pissed at the word, as well as surprised that Henry hadn’t gone to his ass yet.

“Go ahead, Tozier, keep talking shit. You’ll regret it soon enough.” Richie just flipped him off and got in his truck. He considered just sitting there until the bell rang and go back in for the rest of the day, but decided not to, and left. He drove around for a while, listening to the sad playlist. There were so many songs on it he hadn’t made it through all of them. Eventually, he went home, where Bev was stretched out on the couch watching Netflix. He walked in and threw his book bag up the stairs, kicking his shoes off and joining her. He lifted her legs and sat down, placing them back in his lap. He leaned his his on his hand and groaned.

“What happened, babe?” She asked, pausing the movie she was watching.

“People talking shit just got to me.” He told her. “School is just kicking my ass thanks to midterms, and I’m probably gonna be murdered by Bowers during break- if not sooner.”  
“What happened?” She asked gently.

With that, he told her everything that had happened since Wednesday. He didn’t tell her what people were saying about her, he didn’t have to. She already knew it was stupid rumors they were saying and she didn’t give two shits about them. He told her what he said to Bowers and she high fived him, and promised to stick by him so they can fight together when the time comes.

* * *

Eddie, Stan and Ben came over after school, whereas Stan immediately said,

“I heard Bowers is plotting your murder as we speak, Richard. What did you say to him?”

“I just called him a dumbass.” Richie shrugged. “He told me I’d regret it and I honestly don’t, because it’s true.”

“I’d rather my best friend be, you know, _alive_.”

“Is it bad that we’re actually talking about him like he’d actually commit murder?” Ben asked, playing with Bev’s hair.

“I mean… You’re not wrong, but that doesn’t seem unlikely, does it?” Stan asked.

“He kills animals in the woods so people are next on the list.” Richie shrugged. They stared at him.

“How do you know this?” Eddie asked, wide eyed.

“Uh.” Richie shrugged.

“No, don’t just shrug. What the hell, Richie?”

“I may have gone the wrong way home from the quarry one day and caught him killing a rabbit.” Richie said, cringing as he remembered the scene. “He was _torturing_ the poor thing. The fucking dick.”

“God, he needs some serious help.”

“On a better note,” Bev said, “Do you guys want to go shopping with me and Maggie tomorrow? I’m asking Mike and Bill later on.”

“You already know I’m going.” Richie said, snorting.

“I’ll be glad to get away from home for the day.” Eddie said. “As long as _someone_ doesn’t embarrass us.” He looked at Richie pointedly.

“When was the last time I embarrassed you, Eddie?” Richie asked, raising an eyebrow. Eddie started to say something, but faltered, making a face.

“It’s been a while.” He muttered. Richie nodded.

“Are you guys going to the fundraiser in February?” Eddie asked a few minutes later, after Mike and Bill got there.

“That’s like two months away, Eddie.” Mike chuckled. “Why?”

“I want to go!” He said, pouting. “A lot of people are going, apparently because people are singing like all day or some shit.”

“Oh yeah, you like going to that stuff, huh Eds?” Bev asked, nudging Richie discreetly. He made a face at her and went back to whatever he was doing on his phone. She rolled her eyes. Eddie nodded. “Well, I’m actually one of the singers.” She told him. Eddie gasped and everyone else- except for Ben and Richie- looked at her surprised.

“Really?” He asked. She nodded.

“Richie took me to audition Saturday.”

“That’s so c-cool, Bev.” Bill said, grinning.

“If it was a competition you’d surely win.” Stan told her.

“Thanks, Stanny.” She smiled at him.

“Why didn’t you audition, Richie?” Stan asked. Richie looked at him, an eyebrow raised.

“Who said I didn’t?” He asked, smirking. They all looked at each other.

“So you did audition?” Mike asked.

“Maybe.” Richie shrugged. Bev giggled.

“What song did you do on your guitar?” Eddie asked.

“Who said I played my guitar?” Richie winked at him and Eddie sighed.

“You mysterious bastard.” He muttered with a laugh. Richie snorted.

“I may have… played piano.” He said. “And sang.” Everyone’s heads snapped towards him.

“S-sang?” Bill asked.

“Mhm.” Richie nodded. “You guys wanna watch a movie?” He changed the subject completely, and didn’t leave room to argue as he jumped up to go make popcorn. Bev watched him go sadly, and stood to grab some movies to choose from.

“What do you wanna watch, Rich?” Stan called.

“Moana!” He yelled back.

“How the fuck do you work this TV so we can get Netflix up, then?” Eddie said, joining him in the kitchen.

“You gotta hit input then go to HDMI3. It should come up.” Richie replied, digging in a bottom cabinet.

“Okay.” He went and did that, but went back to help Richie. He’d just put the popcorn in the microwave. He jumped when he saw Eddie standing there.

“Dammit, when did you get so quiet and sneaky?” Richie asked, chuckling.

“I could ask you the same thing, Richie.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. Richie pressed the start button and turned to Eddie.

“Whatever do you mean?” Richie asked, putting his hands on his hips.

Eddie eyed him. He’s been paying much more attention to the taller teen recently- more than usual, at least. What’s not to look at?- and he noticed some things. Okay, not _some_ but _a lot_ of things. They’ve known each other since they were five and Richie was always the happy kid, always had something to say and the worst fashion choices. But now, he talked nowhere near as much as he used to, doesn’t joke or _anything_. Eddie’s noticed. They all have, really, but Stan and Bill are convinced it’s some elaborate plan of sorts to get attention- Richie loved attention. Or he used to. He stayed out of the way now.

“Cut the shit, Tozier. I’ve noticed some changes in you.” He said matter of factly.

“Mhm, and what’s that?”

“You’re quiet.” Eddie replied. “I don’t remember the last time you called me Eds or- or wore one of those hideous shirts. Is something going on that I should know about?” Richie opened his mouth but Eddie continued. “ _And_ you sing? And play piano? Since when? And why didn’t you tell us?”

“That’s… a lot of questions.” Richie said, finally. “Too many to answer at one time. We’ll talk about it later, okay?” He took the popcorn out of the microwave and put it in a bowl. Richie smiled at him and walked past him. Eddie’s mouth dropped open and he let out a breath.

“Huh, okay then.”

They never talked about it. At least, not that night.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We mayhaps have a teeny tiny bit of info on what happened with Richie that he’s kept from his friends in this chapter :D
> 
> I don't really have anything to say other than I'm sorry for the wait. Life has just been quite literally shit since the beginning of December and it doesn't seem to be stopping. Like I told my mom, 2019 can suck my ass.

**Saturday, December 9, 2017**

“Wake up, sleepy head, it’s time to go shopping!” Maggie exclaimed cheerfully as she jumped on top of her sons bed, tickling his sides. He groaned to start with- but was soon laughing his ass off as he tried to grab her hands.

“I’m gonna piss myself!” He exclaimed, laughing. She snickered and finally stopped- after a few more seconds. He ran to the bathroom, nearly knocking Bev over in the process.

“Calm your tits.” She called after him.

“I have no tits to calm!” He yelled back. She rolled her eyes and shook her head when Maggie walked out of his room.

“You excited for today, Sweetie?” She asked. Bev nodded.

“Very! I’m gonna try and cover up some of… this.” She gestured to her face. “And I’ll be ready so just let me know.” Maggie chuckled and nodded. She tapped on the bathroom door.

“If you pee on the floor, clean it up, Richard!”

“Dad does that, not me!”

* * *

_Hi, yes, hello. It me. How’s everyone doing? It’s been a week and two days since my last post and let’s just say things have been bonkers around here. Y'all know my best friend Red? Some shit went down with her “father” AKA sperm donor and she is on the way to becoming my adopted sister. Anyways, I’m not gonna get into that right now, maybe in a later post I will._

_The main reason I am here, is to announce how fucking cute E is. WHAT THE HELL? How can someone so tiny, a small ball of fury, be as cute as he is? Me and my friends are all out shopping for Red’s new bedroom and he’s here and wearing these tight blue jeans that make his ass look GREAT and this big ass pink sweater that I? Gave him for his birthday? I will literally fucking implode I swear to GOD._

_I’ll update y’all later on my story. If there isn’t anything, I’ve died from his cuteness._

Richie added the paragraphs to a weird pixelated emoji screaming and posted it before locking his phone and putting it in his pocket.

“Who are you furiously texting over there?” Stan asked, nudging him in the side.

“Uh, no one?” He offered.

“You don’t _have_ to tell me, but if it’s a girl I’ll give you advice on how to make a move.” Stan cocked an eyebrow at him. Richie stared at him for a couple seconds and he heard Bill snicker next to them.

“Do you hear this, Billy? Your _boyfriend_ just offered advice on how to get a girl.” Bill laughed loudly and Stan chuckled. “But it is, in fact, not a girl. Nor is it a person.”

“What were you typing then?” Bev asked, catching up with them. She, Ben and Eddie had been a couple steps behind them, and Maggie and Mike were in front talking paint brands. Why? Richie didn’t know but he wasn’t gonna question it.

“Stuff.” Richie replied, shrugging. She huffed and pinched his arm.

“Wanna go to Hot Topic with me?” She asked, grabbing his arm and dragging him away before he could even answer. The rest of the Losers would _never_ be caught dead in the store but the two didn't care. They looked around the store for a few minutes, and finally, Bev said,

“So, are you gonna tell me the truth or are you gonna keep lying to me?” His eyes widened slightly.

_What? The fuck am I lying about?_

“What am I lying about?” He asked, slowly, eyebrows raised.

“About the fact that you’re crushing on someone and who that someone is.”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, voice at a higher octave. He was genuinely confused.

“Richie, I asked you if you were interested in anyone the other day, and you said no. But I _swear_ every time I look at you, you’re staring at Eddie. You think you’re being discreet but you’re not.”

“Fuck, is it that obvious?” He squeaked. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why didn’t you say something before?”

“Calm down!” She exclaimed, resting a hand on his arm. “Richie, there’s no reason to freak out. You’ve _always_ stared at Eddie, for as long as I’ve known you. And so what if you like Eddie?”

“So what if I like Eddie?” He replied, eyebrows raised. “Eddie is on a whole nother planet, for starters. Second, I’d never have a chance with him, and third, no one but you knows I’m bi!” He whispered the last part.

“Richie, you’re the one who’s on a whole nother planet, apparently. You have just as much of a chance as any other guy!” She poked him in the chest. “You’re awesome, Richie. Anyone, guy or girl, would be lucky to have you. And trust me, you have a chance with Eddie. You just have to take it.”

* * *

_So apparently, I’m the most obvious fucker there is. Red said it’s obvious that I like E and then gave me a lil speech about how I have a chance with him but like? No? Why would he want some Trashmouth like me? There’s a reason I’ve changed- which, by the way, is still going smoothly. No one has really said anything about me being quieter so I think that’s; Me: 1 Friends: 0_

Things were not, actually, going smoothly like he thought. But he didn’t know that.

While everyone split up, Stan and Bill went to Ulta to buy Bev some more eyeshadow.

“She l-likes a lot of-of color shit, right?” Bill asked. Stan nodded.

“That _shit_ is called eyeshadow.” He replied.

“Isn’t i-it made o-out of bat sh-shit?”

“No, that’s mascara and eyeliner.”

“Gross.”

“I don’t understand why people wear it.” Stan agreed.

“So, uh, I kn-know we’ve talked about it be-before, but… Do you think something m-m-might really be wrong with R-Richie?” Bill asked.

“What would be wrong with him?” Stan asked, glancing at him as he looked at a random eyeshadow pallet. “He’s just gotten a lot quieter and he doesn’t joke as much. I think he’s just finally maturing some.”

“I don’t know, Stan…” Bill bit his lip. “I feel like he’s shying away f-from us, kinda. Richie has _neve_ r been quiet like th-this. At first I thought he mi-might’ve been trying to d-draw attention to himself by n-not acting like normal, b-b-but it’s gone on too long for it to be true.”

“You have a good point.” Stan agreed. “I don’t know, though. I’ll try and corner him at some point today and ask him.”

“Don’t f-f-force him into telling you.” Bill told him. Stan glared at him. “I love you b-but you’re kn-known to do that.” Stan huffed. “Just act l-like you’re cu-curious and see what he s-says.” Stan nodded.

“Will do.” Stan didn’t say anything for a couple minutes- or, if we’re being honest, he didn’t say anything until they left the store and were at an emptier part of the mall. “I think I just… I’m just scared that something is actually wrong with him. Like… if I ignore it, it won’t be true.”

“Stan…”

“And I know that’s horrible of me, but… I don’t think I could handle a repeat of summer of ‘08.” Something had happened to Richie that summer- no one saw him or heard from him in over a month, and when he finally did reappear he seemed distant, he didn’t talk much. He’d never want to play at his old house, or really want to go home. No one knew why- his parents are great people and he’d told them on more than one occasion that it wasn’t because of them.

“I know you don’t. I d-don’t either. Whatever ha-happened then might have ha-happened again o-or something triggered it.” Stan sighed and nodded. Bill wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer, kissing his cheek. “Whatever it is, Richie’ll be okay. We just need to be there for him like we were back then.”

“Do you think we can have a meeting of sorts with the rest of the Losers? Without Richie. I want to see what they think.”

“Y-yeah. I’ll make a-another group chat and see when we can meet up.”

* * *

Somehow, someway, it ended up just being Richie and Eddie at Target- Richie is sure that it was Beverly, who was at Rue 21 with his mom at the moment.

“I want a cat.” Eddie said randomly.

“Oh no Eds- Eddie, cats are demons and they’d fight against you along with your mom.” Eddie looked at him, eyebrows raised. “You know… ‘Cause your mom is a demon.”

“Very true.”

“Plus I’m allergic to cats, therefore we’d never be able to spend time together ‘cause then I’d be allergic to you- shit my eye keeps twitching.”

“You know that's a sign of stress and fatigue. Or you’ve had too much caffeine.”

“Well, I haven’t had coffee in a couple days. I’m really regretting my life choices.”

“So you’re stressed and tired? What’s wrong?” Eddie asked, stopping in the middle of the aisle.

“Nothing.” Richie chuckled. “Just the usual stress of a Sophomore, you know?” Eddie gave him a look. “I’m fine, really. I just haven’t been sleeping as much as usual, which honestly isn’t unsurprising. Hey, don’t you like that show?” He pointed at a poster at the end of the aisle and walked towards it. Eddie huffed.

_You cute idiot. Why won’t you tell me anything?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there's gonna be a meeting of all the Losers... Except Richie. 
> 
> I wonder how well that's gonna go.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens next chapter, enjoy this cliffhanger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, y'all not gonna help a girl out and tell her she's been putting 2018 instead of 2017 like the beginning of the story for the last two chapters? Or did you guys just not question the time jump that wasn't supposed to happen? XD I'm sitting over here writing this chapter like "How old even are they" and I go back and look at last chapter to see the date (cause they were all born in 2001 in this and I'm bad at math sometimes don't question it) and I know they're supposed to be like 16 or going on 16 and I see 2018 and I'm like? Did I miss something here? They're not 17!  
> In conclusion, I'm so used to writing 2018 in other stories that I did it in this one but it starts off in 2017 THEN goes into the New Year, so sorry about that mistake guys!  
> Anyways, very soon, a certain mullet wearing asshole is, well, an asshole.  
> P.S. This chapter is not what I originally expected it to be but I hope you enjoy.

 

**Wednesday, December 13, 2017**

_**Code Ricard** _

_**Bill added Bev, Ben and 3 others to the chat** _

(7:28 PM) Eddie- Bill you spelled Richard wrong

(7:28) Bill- idc it'll be fine

(7:29) Bill- it's not like he's gonna know

(7:29) Ben- what even is the chat name? Code Richard? Elaborate pls

(7:30) Stan- Bev do you know when Maggie and Richie's next mother son day thing is?

(7:31) Bev- Maggie said Saturday, why?

(7:32) Bill- we need to have a meeting that day, clear all your plans. We're worried about mr. tozier.

(7:34) Mike- Oh thank god I'm not the only one that's noticed

(7:34) Eddie- Please I keep asking him what's wrong and he Won't tell Me. It's annoying me!

(7:35) Ben- Bev you live with him has he talked to you about anything?

(7:35) Stan- And does he act like normal at home or does he act like he does around us?

(7:37) Bev- I mean… we still joke around like we used to, maybe not as much... He doesn't call m any weird nicknames anymore or raunchy jokes (though that's cause they might adopt me idk) and he doesn't swear in front of his parents or me as much anymore. He wears those crazy shirts on the weekends but that's about it.

(7:38) Stan- So it isn't just us he's changed around, then.

(7:38) Mike- he actually raises his hand and answers/asks questions in our classes together and tbh it scares me cause he never used to do that.

(7:39) Bill- Stan thinks/thought that it might just be Richie "maturing" but idk. I honestly don't think Richie maturing is him acting like this

(7:40) Eddie- Richie maturing is like him wearing shoes that match his wild shirts instead of completely opposite colors/patterns

(7:41) Ben- Richie maturing is him getting in a relationship and stopping telling us about his non-existant sex life.

(7:41) Bev- sksksksk BEN

(7:42) Bill- he's not wrong

(7:53) Stan- Also, thanks for taking almost a week for making the group chat, Bill -_- (7:54) Bill- Stan it's been 4 days

(7:54) Stan- It feels longer. I'm WORRIED.

* * *

**Saturday, December 16, 2017**

It may not seem like it, but Stan Uris is worried about Richie Tozier. Honestly, truly, worried. Weird, right? Well, it's true, and Stan has always worried about his best friend- they're practically brothers. At least, that's how Stan felt when it came to Richie, and vice versa, but lately, he wasn't so sure Richie felt the same. The only reason he "disagreed" with Bill at all was because he didn't want to admit that he was wrong, being the stubborn sixteen year old he is.

Stan knows- hell, the rest of the group know- how closed off Richie is when it comes to feelings. They've never seen him cry and yet he's seen them all cry multiple times for many different reasons. Even when they were younger, the kid would run into a wall and nearly bust his head open but he wouldn't shed a tear.

_Maybe not in front of us_ , Stan thinks as he stared at the door of the restaurant in front of him.  _He's definitely hiding_ something  _from us. Is it that bad that he can't tell us? Does he not trust us?_

He jumped at the loud smack on his window and looked to see Eddie standing there with a frown.

"We've been waiting for you to come inside for ten minutes. Are  _you_  okay?"

"Yeah, sorry. I was lost in thought." Eddie nodded in understanding and the two made their way into the restaurant. They sat down with the rest of the group and ordered milkshakes.

"So." Ben said, clasping his hands together on the table in front of him. "Why did you two want to have a meeting about Richie?"

"Have you not noticed it?" Eddie blurted out.

"Noticed what? How weird he's been acting?" Ben asked.

"Ben, I've literally talked to you about this. A week ago!" Bev poked his arm.

"This is Richie we're talking about." Ben shrugged. "When  _isn't_ he acting weird?"

"You have a point but this isn't Richie weird." Stan told him. "Richie being weird is being loud and raunchy and talking about his dick and fucking Eddie's mom. This Richie is quiet and wear's solid colors- and they're not even colorful clothes! He doesn't call us his weird nicknames anymore- something's going on and he's changed. He's more Richard than fucking Richie." Stan slapped the table. "He's like a brother to me and I feel like I'm being lied to every time I  _look_ at him. It makes me sick thinking something so bad happened to him that he has to lie to me or all of us about."

"Where did him lying come from?" Bill muttered but Stan heard him.

"Have any of you asked Richie if he's okay?" Stan asked, crossing his arms. They didn't notice said teens truck drive up, they also didn't notice the teen stop in his tracks and stare at them for a solid minute.

"I've asked him multiple times." Eddie said. "He says he's fine."

"That's the lie." Stan said. "He's lying to us- maybe he  _did_  something, maybe something  _happened_ to him, but he's not telling us. I wanna know the truth." None of them noticed Richie as Mike started talking.

"I feel like he'd tell us…"

Richie quietly went and got the food his mom had ordered for them, Went and Bev, and paid for it. He stopped at an empty table and found the box of Bev's food and walked passed the table, tossing it on the table in front of her without a word.

"Hey Richie!" Ben said, but Richie just flipped them off as he walked away.

"Excuse me." Stan said, and Mike got out of his way. Stan nearly ran after Richie, just barely stopping Richie from shutting his door.

"What the hell is wrong with you? That was uncalled for, Richie." Stan started, and Richie scoffed.

"Whatever. Get out of the way."

"No, not until you tell me what your problem is."

"What my problem is?" Richie laughed humorlessly. "I'm the problem apparently, Stan. You might as well go ahead and tell me. It's fine."

"Nothing's fine, Richie. And you're-"

"You're right, Stanley. Nothing is fine.  _Nothing_  is fine. Now please, if you would so kindly get out of the way and let me go home. I will walk if I have to."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"What do you care, Stan?"

"What do I care? Excuse me? Last time I checked, you were my best friend and brother."

"Last time I checked- oh, just a few minutes ago, actually, I had a whole group of friends but not anymore."

"What the fuck did we do to you? Why are you like this?" Richie stared at him for a few seconds, tears stinging the back of his eyes.

"Get the fuck away from my door or I  _will_  fuck you up." He hissed. "I'm not in the mood for your shit." Stan scoffed.

"You know what, fuck you, Richie. Let me know when you wanna stop lying to my face and being an asshole." He moved out of the way and before he walked away, Richie said,

"Yeah, I'm the biggest damn liar you'll ever meet, Stanley. You better fucking remember it." He slammed the door shut and his wheels spun as he backed up and drove away. Stan stormed back into the restaurant and told the rest of the Losers what was said. Almost immediately, they began texting group chats and Richie on his own.

When he got home, he gave his parents their food, told them he wasn't feeling good, and locked himself up in his room.

It was actually over. Their friendship- he and Stan's, the rest of the Losers. Whatever possible thing that could've happened with Eddie is far out the window. Richie curled into a ball in the corner of his bed, burying himself in his blankets. Bev probably wouldn't want to be adopted by his parents anymore- she'll probably want to move in with her aunt in Portland.

He knows why they were hanging out without them, he didn't blame them. He still must've swore too much and talked too much. Well, they wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. He'd keep his space from them, make sure they don't have to look at him. He was honestly waiting for the fact, he knew he annoyed them just by being present.

Changing didn't do shit for him. Was he gonna continue acting like the new Richie? Yes, because maybe if acting like this would make his parents love him too, he was damn sure gonna continue. He could tell they were happy that he'd stopped being a nuisance. He thought his friends would be happy too, but like always, Richie was wrong.

Richie let out a slow breath, grabbed his phone and left every group chat and muted every chat he was in one on one, and turned on some music. He sat there for maybe a minute and  _finally_  realized he was crying, fat tears falling down his cheeks. He didn't make a sound, he didn't think he could if he tried. His throat was dry, his nose was running, he knew he looked like hell and he couldn't stop it.

* * *

**Sunday, December 24, 2017**

It's been a little over a week since things went down, and Richie hasn't left his house  _once_. His parents were convinced it was the flu and bought him medicine. He was very convincing, though, he looked like hell and probably was actually sick, because he sure felt like it. Bu he couldn't tell you if he was really sick with a virus or sick because of himself, his nasty thoughts. They disgusted him, the way he thought about himself, his old self, his new self, just his being in general. He hated himself.

Bev tried to talk to him- he didn't know why- but he wouldn't speak to her. She actually started crying last time, which really surprised him, but he just trudged back to his room and cried for making her cry, knowing she hated him even more for it. Some of the Losers- as far as he knew, none of them were Stan, but then again that friendship was over completely- had come over wanting to talk to him, but he refused.

_Seeing them will just make you hurt more_ , he reasoned with himself.  _You hurt enough as it is, don't make it any worse on yourself._

Oh who was he kidding, he could make the absolute worst thing worse somehow. He was just a walking fuck up, pretty much. Well, lying fuck up at this point because he barely even stands nowadays.

December twenty third, he didn't sleep a wink. He was up all night thinking, and ultimately decided that he would still give them their gifts, he'd just ding dong ditch them without the ding dong.

_There's an actual word for that. Oh well._

He wrapped each present very carefully, as neatly as possible, and wrote a note in careful handwriting, taping them onto their presents. He got in his truck at four in the morning and drove off, stopping at Bev's first, of course.

_Bev,_

_You'll always be my sister, even if I'm not your brother. If you ever need anything you can come to me. I won't bother you anymore._

_I'm sorry, Richie_

_Bill,_

_You were the hardest to write this note for. I'm just writing to formally resign from the Losers Club. Though, considering I will not be apart of this club anymore, you should probably stop calling yourselves that, since the biggest loser isn't your friend anymore. I'm sorry for being an annoying asshole to you and everyone else and I hope you can find it in you to forgive me one day._

_I'm sorry, Richie._

_**Next was Ben (only because he and Bill lived on the same street)** _

_Ben,_

_I'm still a little annoyed at our little spat a while ago but I understand now. I know I'm annoying so I'll gladly get our of your way. Only God knows why you haven't moved me yourself._

_I'm sorry, Richie_

_Mike,_

_I'm gonna miss our chickens, Mike. Tell them Richie said hi and give cuddles to Pig the sheep. I miss her a lot. I'm gonna stop coming over now because I know I get in the way of your chores._

_I'm sorry, Richie_

_Stan,_

_Even though you hate my guts, I still love you and you'll always be Stan the man._

_I'm so sorry, Richie_

_**(There were tear stains on that one but Richie didn't notice)** _

_Eddie,_

_I just want you to know that if I'm ever at the grocery store and see you and your mom, I'll get the hell out of dodge. I know she'll give you a hard time about that nasty Tozier boy if she's reminded of my existence._

_Sorry she hates me, Richie_

_P.S. I'm sorry for everything (jokes, etc)._

By the time Richie delivered all the presents, it was going on 5 AM. Deciding he didn't want to go home and face the music, he went to a park down the road from Eddie's house and sat on a swing. He surely didn't expect the unexpected, but in all honestly, he saw it coming from a mile away. Quite literally.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homophobic slurs and mentions of child abuse and (some) blood ahead.
> 
> It's gonna get much worse for Richie before it gets better, but when it gets better? Well, the boy will never have been happier.
> 
> Sorry it's shorter, the next chapter will definitely be longer! We have lot's to cover!
> 
> Thank you all for the support for this story and lovely comments, they make my day!

 

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Henry crowed. "Why up so early on Christmas Eve, Bucky?" He asked. Richie ignored him, just staring at his phone. He'd seen a couple rabbits hopping around a few feet away from him and was recording them on his phone, but of course, the demon of Derry had to scare them away. Without stopping the recording, Richie put his phone down on the ground next to him. "Fucking faggot, cry baby. What'cha crying for? Daddy make you mad?"

"You're one to talk about daddy making you mad. It's the other way around for you." Richie replied. "We all know he beats you to a fucking pulp on the weekends, Bowers. I'd say I wouldn't blame him but that's fucked up to do to their own kid." Henry sort of froze for a split second, and sneered.

"You don't know anything, fag."

"Me being a fag doesn't have a damn thing to do with you. It isn't hurting you so shut the fuck up about it already." Richie huffed. He knew he was about to get his ass beat, he's been waiting for it for a while. Might as well get it over with.

"Fags are disgusting."

"Well you and me both are disgusting, Bowers. Don't think I forgot you going down on Hockey in the bathroom in middle school." First punch- thrown. Knocked him right out of the swing. "You can do better than that, I'm not even bleeding!" He felt his old self start coming back, ever so slightly as he spoke.  _That's not gonna end well for me._  Henry hit him again, before he had a chance to stand back up. No use in fighting back, he'd lose anyway.

"You're too much of a fag to fight back, huh? You get your dick sucked for the first time and regretting it? That why you don't care if I kill you?"

"I didn't say all that, now." Richie stood up, shaking his head and wiping blood from under his nose.

"Oh? Or do you get off on getting your ass beat? That what it is?"

"Hell yeah, Bowers. Pull my hair and slap me again- I'm all yours." Richie deadpanned. "You see," Richie began wringing his hands, "people are like glow sticks. They've got to be broken to show who they really are. The thing is, some people come back stronger than ever- are better versions of themselves. Some… don't. Like you, Bowers. You've been broken so many times you don't- how should I put this? You don't  _work_  anymore. You don't know how to be a decent human being and you're fine with it. And I know this isn't gonna change the fact that you're gonna beat the shit outta me, but I just thought I'd get that out there."

"I'm itching to kill you…" Henry purred. Richie shrugged, wiping under his nose again.

"Then scratch it."

* * *

It was eight in the morning when Bev woke up, having to pee. She hauled herself out of bed and opened her door, nearly tripping over a box in front of her door.

"The fuck-?" She leaned down and picked it up, looking to see if there was a tag. What she found was a short note. She ran over to her bed, thoughts of going to the bathroom long gone. She put it on her bed and grabbed her phone, texting the group chat until everyone replied- which surprisingly didn't take long.

**The Losers Club!3**

(8:12 AM) Mammy Bev- guys go look out your front doors and see if you got a gift from Richie with a note on it.

(8:14) Spagheds- what the fuck what is this shit

(8:15) Billy Bill- what the hell? Everyone send pics of the notes.

(everyone sent them at almost the exact same time)

(8:15) Micky- Bev is Richie home?

(8:17) Mammy Bev- no I just busted in his room and his bed is 100% empty. His sheets are cold so he's been gone a while.

(8:18) Spagheds- why is mine so different from you guys he's just talking about my mom.  
(8:18) Spagheds- which isn't unusual, but why did he say (jokes, etc) you don't use etc unless there are like two or more examples.

(8:19) Stan the Man- Eddie that's not important right now.

(8:23) Mammy Bev- I've been calling him but no answer

(8:24) Mammy Bev- something's wrong. Maggie just came in my room in panic mode and said she had a bad feeling and asked if I knew where Richie went and she started crying.

(8:24) Mammy Bev- I've never seen her cry

(8:25) Pappy Ben- everyone start texting and calling Richie- make new group chats if you have too because he's probably muted everyone. If no one gets anything in ten minutes text this chat and then we'll go to the Tozier's house.

(8:35) Billy Bill- still nothing I'm about to walk out the door now.

(8:36) Micky- I'm getting changed and I'll be there soon.

(8:39) Spagheds- I'll be there asap I gotta get passed my mom she's already awake. I woke her up when I went to the door.

* * *

"Someone please explain what the hell is going on?" Went asked, looking between his wife and (almost) adopted daughter. "It's too early for me to be awake on Christmas Eve."

"I have a bad feeling, Went." Maggie said, biting at her thumb nail. He put a comforting hand on her knee. "Something's wrong."

"With…?" He looked at her, and eyebrow raised. She shook her head.

"No, with Richie."

"Ah, yeah… I can't say I don't have a weird feeling either." The three looked at each other in silence for a moment or two, but the silence was broken by a loud knock on the door, making a few of them jump. Went jumped up and opened the door, Bev following close behind.

"Uh, hi, I'm assuming this is Richie's house because Goddamn he looks like you."  _Greta_  said.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Greta."

"Why are you here?" Bev asked, nudging Went out of the way and crossing her arms.

"Well, I was on my way to my grandma's house when I saw your friend sitting on the side of the road with blood all over him and talking gibberish." She moved to the side to show Richie stumbling up the driveway, knees buckling and catching himself with his hands. He muttered something as Bev and Went darted out the door and to Richie's side, helping him up. Went put Richie's face in his hands, making his son look at him.

"-laser beam, guaranteed- Oh, hey... hey dad!" Richie muttered. "Fancy seeing you... here."

"This is your house." Went said, brushing hair out of Richie's face to get a good look at him.

"Oh, is... it?" Richie squinted at the house, one eye nearly swollen shut. Then Went realized he wasn't wearing his glasses- and apparently no contacts either. "Huh"

"What happened to you?" Went cooed. Richie shrugged painfully and started walking towards the house. He stumbled and almost face planted but Went caught him. Bev didn't really know what to do or say, she stared at him in disbelief- wondering how the hell he was standing up right- and had her hands hovering over him rather than touching him.

"Feel better, Tozier." Greta said, making a face as she walked by the two.

"Thanks… G." Richie saluted her and hugged his arms to his chest. He cleared his throat and looked at his dad. "Where's mom? I... want ma."

"I think you need to go to the hospital, Richie."

"No, no, no, no." Richie shook his head with every no, standing as tall as he could. Went could see the pain in his features when he did so- so he knew something was wrong. "I want... mama." He said pitifully.

"Okay, come on. If she says go, you're going. Understood?"

"Always listen... to mama. It what…. you always tol' me!" Richie nodded.

"Hey Bev, can you go get the comforter off Richie's bed and bring it downstairs?" Went told her as he made his way up the steps, practically carrying a babbling Richie.

"Yeah." She ran inside.

"Bev's here?" Richie asked, tilting his head to the side.

"She just walked by- she lives here, son." Went looked down at him- his heart ached at what he saw. There was a cut on his cheek, bleeding a little still, one above his swollen eye that will probably need stitches, a busted lip- possibly broken nose. Who knows what's underneath his clothes. His cheeks were red and splotchy from the cold-and probable tears he'd shed.

_What the hell have I been missing?_

"Oh."

"Richie?" Maggie exclaimed, rushing out of the door. She ran down the steps and hugged him tight.

"Owie." He muttered into her shoulder. "Hi, ma."

"What the hell happened to you?" She asked, pulling away and taking his face in her hands, brushing his hair back to get a good look at his face. "Oh my God, who did this to you?"

"Bowers." Bev said, putting the blanket over Richie as Went and Maggie lead the teen into the house. "Bowers has been plotting Richie's murder for weeks."

"Same." Richie muttered.

"What?" Maggie asked.

"What?" Richie looked at her.

"But he won't get in trouble because Bowers  _never_  gets in trouble." She hissed. "We never have proof that it was him." Richie let out a painful chuckle and grabbed his phone out of his pocket, swaying slightly.

"I have proof… Bevs." Bev literally wanted to burst into tears the second he spoke to her. Richie handed the phone to her. He wiggled painfully out of his mother's arms and went to walk up the stairs.

"What the- where do you think you're going?" Maggie asked, following him. "You need to go get checked out at the hospital."

"No!" He whined. "I just wanna... go cry myself to...to sleep some more, okay?"

"No, you're going to the hospital, Richie." Bev said. "We want what's best for you and-"

"Oh my God." Maggie gasped. Richie hit the ground quick, before anyone could even move.

"No, no, no, no." He buried his face in his hands. "You don't… you don't want what's best… best… fuck. Best for me... you don't care. You hate me, I hate me." He sobbed. He gasped and clasped his hands over his chest and stomach, coughing. "It hurts." He gasped out.

"Dammit- Bev, go get the car started." Went said, crouching in front of his son.

"I don't... want to go." He cried.

"I know you don't, but Richie- Richie, look at me , son." He lifted Richie's chin with his hand and he saw blood coming from his mouth. He looked at Richie's hands and saw blood there too. "Dammit." He stood up and picked Richie up as carefully as he could, literally carrying him. Richie squirmed for a solid second before giving up and letting his dad carry him out the door.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, what's happening to Richie is something that happened to my brother- just very different circumstances. My brother got in an ATV accident that caused this and Richie, well, got his ass beat and was kicked hard af. I'm writing this from watching my brother in the hospital- he was a little older than Richie and huge (like tall and muscular- Richie is not) so it'll be a little different. It's been a few years since so I don't remember every detail so if something isn't medically accurate that's why.
> 
> Things get worse next chapter, but before you try to kill me, just know Richie will be okay. Scarred for life- mentally, physically) but okay!

 

Went and Bev sat in the ER waiting room, both of their knees bouncing nervously, when Bev's phone rang loudly, making the two jump. It was Stan.

"Fuck." She hissed and answered the phone. Before she could get a word in, Stan said,

"Where the fuck are you guys?"

"Richie- I- He, we're at the hospital." She said, biting her thumb nail. "I'm sorry I didn't text or call but he just- he looked so bad, Stan. I didn't even think- Maggie is in the emergency room with him, me and Went are in the waiting room."

"We'll be there in ten minutes." Stan said, hanging up immediately after.

Ten minutes later, a very worried Losers club stood in front of Went and Bev, trying to speak over each other.

"Look, just sit down and I'll explain." Bev sighed, rubbing at her eyes.

"How did you find him? Or did someone else find him and call an ambulance or?" Eddie rambled.

"Eddie." Bill gave him a look and Eddie sat between Mike and Bill.

Bev went on to explain what happened, getting interrupted when she told them Greta was who found him, and Went butted in a few times. He fidgeted nervously, much like Richie did. Tapping his fingers on his knee, bouncing his leg, and biting his lip.

* * *

The group waited for an hour and a half for an update, the only texts Went was getting was because he texted Maggie himself. His phone dinged a couple times and he looked, seeing Maggie had sent him two pictures. He opened them, paling immediately.

One was of Richie's back, bruises forming (he couldn't help but see his ribs, and  _God_ , if that didn't break his heart), a gash across his left shoulder-which was definitely dislocated now that he got a good look at it- that has been stitched up already.

The other picture was his face and upper body, his chest and shoulders looking similar to his back, bruises all over. His face had been cleaned of all blood, but he still looked horrible. With the pictures, she said,

(11:29 AM) Mags- He's in a lot more pain and is sort of coming back to himself. I'll explain in a few, they're gonna take him for a CT scan and x-rays. Be there soon.

"My God." Went covered his mouth. "I'm gonna kill that sorry fucker." He growled.

"What happened?" Ben asked.

"Maggie sent me some pictures. I'll be back, I'm gonna make a quick call." He stood and stormed out of the hospital. He went to the smoking area and lit up a cigarette, pressing the call button on an all too familiar number.

He wasn't gone long, and when he did come back, Maggie had just walked into the waiting room, eyes rimmed red.

"What are they saying?" He asked as Eddie asked,

"How is he?"

"He's… he's in a lot of pain." She said, running a hand through her hair." She sat in Went's spot and he crouched in front of her, putting his hands on her hips and squeezing in a comforting way. "He's dehydrated and has a concussion. That's why he was so out of it when he got home. He's got an IV in- they're giving him a bag of nutrients and stuff they call a banana bag."

"I've got that before." Eddie said. "Not that I need it and it's not important right now, sorry, carry on." Maggie huffed out a laugh.

"How was he acting when you left?" Stan asked.

"He didn't want me to leave." Her voice broke at the end. "Went, he… he reminded me of-of…" She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. He grabbed her free hand and squeezed. "He begged me not to go but I told him I couldn't go with him. I promised I'd still be there when he got back so I can't stay long."

"What kinds of tests are they doing?" Eddie asked.

"CT scan, X-rays, blood work. They're checking for brain damage and internal bleeding because he's coughed up some blood."

"Oh God." Eddie put his hand on his forehead. "If he dies I'm gonna kill him."

"Richie will be fine." Mike said, putting a hand on Eddie's shoulder.

"H-he's strong." Bill agreed.

"The nurse said that since it's not a lot of blood, it's a good sign. It's not good at all, of course, but… It means there's no bad internal bleeding or anything."

"Can I come with you when you go back?" Eddie asked.

"I don't know… I don't think now is a good time to see anyone other than me. He's convinced everyone hates him, and I don't know why he doesn't want Went back there."

"I'm still salty he didn't want me back there." Went huffed. "Like I carried his skinny ass to the car, and in here so he didn't have to walk."

"I can't believe you just used salty in a sentence." Bev said, a small grin on her face. "Rich would be proud." Went snorted.

"Well, I carried him in me for nine months so he likes me better than you." Maggie told Went, who glared. She gave him a small smile and pecked him on the forehead, standing. "I'll text him if anything changes or we get any news." They nodded and she quickly made the short trip back to Richie's room. They rolled him back into the room just as she sat down.

"Hey baby, I told you I'd still be here." She told him. He nodded, letting out a breath.

"He's not too happy." The nurse said. "I told him he might have to have a drainage tube put in his nose. If there's blood in his stomach, that is."

"Hopefully not. But there's gotta be blood coming from somewhere."

"He might have swallowed a lot- maybe bit his tongue when he got hit and it bled a lot, and he's just coughing it back up. We'll be find out when the tests come back." Maggie nodded and the nurse left. Richie sighed, closing his eyes.

"Are they not... worried about my... chest hurting?" He asked, lifting a hand to scratch his nose.

"They must not think it's something to worry about. It's probably bruised or broken ribs."

"Lucky me." He mumbled.

"How's your head?" She asked, standing and brushing a few knotty curls out of his face.

"Hurts." He replied, sighing when she began running her fingers through his hair. The cut above his eyebrow wasn't as deep as they'd thought, and only needed butterfly stitches, the cut on his cheek as well- but instead of those, it was just a bandage, His nose somehow hadn't been broken, but it was obvious he's gotten hit. "Life would… be a lot… fuckin' better if… I could fuckin'... see."

"Blurry vision makes it worse, huh?" She asked. He nodded, grimacing.

"I don't… know… where they… went. He punched me… and they went… they fuckin'... flew away." He was sounding much more like his old self, before he'd gotten quieter.

"Your friends are in the waiting room with your dad and Bev." She told him. He opened his eyes- well, one eye- and looked at her.

"Really?" He asked.

"Mhm, they've been here since nine. They love you, Richie. They're worried and want to see you."

"Why?" He sounded so much like a child. "They… hate me." His lips trembled.

"Baby," She cooed, "No they don't. Why would you think that?"

"Th-they hang... out without me… and think I'm a… liar. And I  _am_  a liar, mom!" His heart rate began picking up. "Stan and I… we- I… we had a fight… and I- I said shit that… that I shouldn't have li-like... I used to and he... called me a liar and an... asshole." He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a painful sob, covering his mouth with his hand. She grabbed his free hand with hers and crouched next to him, squeezing his hand comfortingly. She'd hug him but that'd make his pain worse.

"Richie… baby, I'm sure there was a reason they didn't invite you."

"Because I'm the... biggest fucking dick."

"No-"

"I am, I am, I am." He cried, rough sobs wracking through his body. "I've tried  _so h-hard_ to change and... it wasn't good… enough. I'm not... good enough." He gripped his hair with his hand instead, bringing his knees up to his chest, even though it hurt. "I'm sorry... I'm not good enough, mama. I-I- fuck, it hurts." He moaned. The heart monitor started beeping and a nurse rushed in. "I can't breathe. I can't- I can't breathe." He gasped, coughing. She didn't say anything, she just grabbed a mask and put it over his mouth and nose and turned a machine on.

"Try and take some deep breaths for me, Sweetie. You're okay."

"No, no, no, no…" He cried, squeezing Maggie's hand back. She was crying silently as she watched. She didn't know what to say. It took a few minutes, but he calmed down enough to where there were just silent tears falling. "There we go, we're okay now, right?" He nodded.

"S-sorry." He stuttered.

"Don't apologize, baby." Maggie said, shaking her head. "Is there anything you can give him for pain?" Maggie asked, watching as he gripped the bar on one side of the bed with the hand that wasn't holding hers.

"On a scale from one to ten, how bad is your pain?" She asked.

"Fuckin'... highest number possible."

"Ten?"

"Higher."

"Okay, I'll go talk to your doctor and see what we can do for you." She left and maybe a half an hour later, a doctor walked in. A tall blonde woman.

"Hi Mr. Tozier, can you look at me?" She asked. He turned his head away from his mom and looked at her. "I'm Dr. Alleyne."

"Call me… Richie." He muttered.

"Okay, Richie. Can you tell me your full name and birthday?" She asked.

"Richard Wentworth Tozier…" He let out a small whimper. "March… seventh, two thousand one."

"Okay, good. Do you mind if I press on your stomach? It will probably hurt, since that's where your pain is, correct?" He nodded. "I'll be able to see if there's anything out of the ordinary."

"Okay. I might… kick you."

"Wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to me." She told him with a smile, pulling on some gloves. She looked at Maggie. "Has he had his appendix removed? Or any major surgeries?"

"Um, no, but there was an… accident a couple years ago." Dr. Alleyne nodded.

"Okay, I'm sorry in advance, Richie." She said, and began pressing on his stomach. He let Maggie's hand go to grab onto the other handle, squeezing it as hard as he could, eyes squeezed shut, trying to hold in a  _scream_. Maggie covered her mouth, standing up carefully, but staying by the bed.

"Okay, I'm finished." She said, tossing the gloves in the trash and putting hand sanitizer on. "Something doesn't exactly feel… right, to me. The scans will come back pretty soon, so as soon as they come back, we'll be able to let you know." She said. Maggie nodded.

"What about pain medicine?" She asked.

"I'll have Martha bring him something. It won't be very powerful due to his concussion, though."

"Okay, thank you." Dr. Alleyne left. "I'm so sorry, baby." She said, running her fingers through his hair again.

"S'not your fault." He mumbled, tilting his head closer to her. "I had it coming."

"No, Richie, you didn't."

"If I… had just… shut my mouth…"

"That… child… demon, whatever you wanna call him-"

"Quality nickname right there, ma." He whispered. She chuckled, shaking her head.

"Hush. He shouldn't have touched you. I promise you, you'll never see him again, baby. Your dad won't let him get away with it."

"He better fuckin' not… best lawyer… my ass if he… doesn't."

* * *

Two hours later and it's nearing two thirty in the afternoon, the waiting room wasn't very packed, and Richie was still in the emergency room. He'd had his shoulder popped back into place- swearing like a sailor the entire time- and was wearing a sling, and had the tube in his nose. Nurse  _Martha_  decided he needed to be on oxygen, so now he had oxygen going through one nostril from a nasal cannula.

The pain medicine didn't do anything for him, and the pain got worse and worse as time went on. They wouldn't let him drink anything- even though Maggie wet some paper towels and let the water drip into his mouth.

"Mom?" He asked.

"Hm?" She sat up straighter, pulling her jacked around her front a little more.

"You should… go get something… to eat."

"No-"

"Mom, I'll be… okay. I'm at a… hospital after… all."

"You little smart ass." She muttered. He stuck his tongue out at her.

"And make dad… and the others…. Eat. If they're… still here."

"They are, and I will. Do you want anyone to come back here?" She asked, standing up.

"Um, dad once... you guys have ate." He said. "And… Bev and Eddie."

"Okay, I'll send them back here. I'll be back as soon as possible, m'kay?" She said. He nodded. She kissed his head and gave him a little wave before leaving.

"Any news besides the oxygen and nose tube?" Eddie asked immediately when he saw her. She shook her head.

"No, the pain medicine hasn't helped him and he's annoyed- and bossy. He told me to go eat and make Went and you guys eat if you haven't."

"Of course he did." Bev chuckled. "Bill forced us to go eat but Went wouldn't go."

"Good, good… Richie asked for you and Eddie to go back, now."

"Does this child hate me?" Went grumbled, crossing his arms.

"No," She chuckled, patting his shoulder, "He wanted to see you  _after_  you've eaten too. Wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Stubborn little shit."

"Very true. He's gonna be moved to a room soon, so you all will probably be able to see him." Maggie told them. "He's in room 37, we'll be back soon." She grabbed Went's hand and pulled him off towards the cafeteria.  
"Uh, well, we'll let you know how he is when we go back there." Bev said, standing along with Eddie.

"Please." Mike said, and the two walked away.

"I wonder why he just wanted to see Bev and Eddie." Ben said.

"Well, I mean… Bev is practically his sister." Bill said. "And Eddie? I don't know."

"I know why he didn't wanna see me." Stan mumbled, resting his chin in his hand.

"Don't be hard on yourself, Stan. I'm sure he'll want to see you." Mike told him. He just shrugged.

Bev and Eddie could hear Richie talking as they rounded the corner to go into his room.

"... a real one, Martha." He was saying. Bev tapped on the wall and pulled the curtain back, walking in. Eddie could hardly hold in the gasp and Bev immediately started tearing up. He looked  _horrible_.

"If you need anything else, just press the button." Nurse Martha told Richie, gave the two a smile, and left, pulling the curtain closed behind her.

"She gave me… a nicotine… patch." He told them, pointing at his arm.

"That's… that's nice, Chee." Eddie whispered.

"You look horrible." Bev slapped a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry."

"I know I look… like shit… least he didn't… knock out any… teeth." He waved his hand randomly.

"I mean you look worse than I did." She said, walking closer to him.

"Well shit."

"Bev, shut up." Eddie rolled his eyes, walking around the other side.

"Hello Dr. K." Richie muttered. "I'm sure you can tell me more than these fuckers."

"Oh my God."

"What?" Richie asked.

"You said fuck!" He exclaimed. Bev hit his arm.

"Shhh!"

"I said… fuckers." Richie corrected.

"Who are you and where did quiet Richie go?"

"I'll go back... to him when… I'm not in… fuckin' level nine zillion pain."

"That's not a number, Sweetie." Bev told him, putting a hand on her hip.

"I'm gonna… fuckin… shoot myself."

"Don't say that- if someone hears you they'll literally tie you to the bed and isolate you for three days." Eddie said quickly.

"Kinky."

"I'm gonna cry." Bev said, fanning her face. Richie squinted at her.

"Why?"

"Because you're… you." She said. "Richie, Sweetie, we love you so much, okay? We never wanted you to change."

"We don't want you to go back to quiet Richie." Eddie continued. "It freaks me out and I'm worried about you."

"We'll… see. If I don't… die."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you will love me- and definitely hate me for the cliffhanger. I'm aware that this... thing was sudden (the part you'll be happy about) but, well, you'll see :D.
> 
> I was gonna explain myself a little there but I'm not gonna waste time doing that. Someone decided to be a little dickhead in my comments on another story who reads this, so this lil comment was for them.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!

 

Richie was finally moved to a room not long after Eddie and Bev got to him.

"Ah, fuck you... I'm not... sitting down." Richie huffed to Martha. "Sorry, I'm... in pain. Standing in… helps."

"You two watch him and make sure he doesn't fall, okay?" She said, leaving the room after patting him on the back. Richie kept his hand on the IV stand to hold himself up.

"Hey Chee?" Eddie said softly.

"Hi." Richie mumbled. Eddie chuckled and rubbed his back.

"Do you think you're up to seeing anyone else? They really wanna see you." Richie took a couple deep breaths and nodded.

"Yeah."

"Okay… I'll go get them." Eddie said, and went to walk away ut Richie said in a panicked voice,

"No!" Eddie immediately stopped and looked back at him. "S-sorry. Bev, can you go? I… I want to talk… to Eddie." She gave him a look, even though he couldn't see.

"Are you gonna…?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Ooh, okay. I'll try and take my time, then." She left the room.

"Is everything okay?" Richie looked at him as if to say  _really_ and he chuckled. "True, sorry."

"Okay, um…" Richie slowly sat Indian style on the bed as best he could. "Sit…" He pointed to the foot of the bed. Eddie sat identical to him.

See, since his mom told him that his  _friends_  were in the waiting room- on  _Christmas Eve_ \- and the pain made him feel like he was literally going to die, he'd been thinking about telling Eddie- if anything, that he's bi and that's all. Richie being Richie thinks he's really gonna die, so he wants to get it out there.

"What is it, Chee?" Eddie asked, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. The taller teen had blanked for a few minutes. He blinked and shook his head.

"Sorry. So… um, sorry for… lying about… this." He started. Eddie raised his eyebrows. "I'm… I'm not- I… fuck, was it this… hard for you… when you… came out?"

"No, everyone pretty much knew I was gay as fuck from the git go." Eddie told him, then his eyes widened. "Wait, what?"

"Oh." Richie huffed out a laugh, swallowing hard when it hurt. "I guess… I just told… you. I, uh… I lied. About being… straight. I'm… bi." Eddie stared at him.

"Are you serious?" Eddie whispered. Richie nodded and squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for Eddie to yell at him. Instead, he felt the bed move and suddenly- lips on his. He gasped, and before he could attempt to kiss back, Eddie pulled away and slapped a hand over his mouth.

"I'm sorry- I shouldn't have- your lip is bleeding." Eddie stood up and grabbed some tissues, coming back and wiping the blood away. "I'm sorry, I should've… asked." Richie stared at him, heart rate picking up.

"You're not… mad?" Richie asked, tilting his head slightly.

"What? Of course not! Are you mad? I kissed you without asking. You don't even… feel the same."

"I'm not… not mad, Eds." Richie's cheeks turned bright red.

"You're not?" Richie shook his head.

"Kiss me… again."

"But your lip…"

"I don't care… Eddie." Richie gave him a small smile. Eddie smiled back and leaned forward, pressing his lips to Richie's. Richie kissed back this time and God- the fucking monitor started beeping. Eddie pulled away with a worried look on his face, then smirked when Richie covered his face with his hand. "S'not funny, Eds." He mumbled.

"Sure, it isn't funny, Chee."

The rest of the Losers walked in right after, and a nurse walked in behind them before anyone could say anything.

"Everything okay in here?" She asked, pressing a button on the monitor.

"Peachy." Richie replied. Eddie nodded and she smiled at them, nodding and leaving the room. Eddie leaned forward and whispered in his ear,

"We'll talk later, when you're feeling better." Richie nodded.

"How's the pain?" Bev asked, giving him a knowing look. He ignored it.

"Feels like… my guts are… being ripped… out." He replied.

"Have they given you anything for it?" Ben asked.

"Yeah… but it hasn't… helped… fuck!" Pain ripped through him as if on cue and he gripped the bar on the bed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." He squeaked.

"Jesus." Bill whispered. Stan made a noise and left the room.

No one said anything for a couple minutes, just silently watching Richie as he tried to hide his pain.

"You don't have to hide from us, Richie." Mike said softly.

"Yeah? If… I don't… I'll end up… making you leave… me anyways."

"Richie… is this a-about us at the resta-restaurant? Bill asked. Richie didn't say anything.

"Richie, we were there without you because we were talking about you. You think we haven't noticed you changing, don't you?" Ben asked.

"I was hoping… not."

"Well, we have." Bev said. "And that's why we didn't invite you. We were worried about you- we  _are_  worried about you, now more than ever.

"What makes you think we hate you?" Eddie asked. "You know I don't." Richie blushed again.

"Just… I hate… myself. It'd make sense that… that you guys would… too. I-I know I'm… I'm embarrassing and… annoying."

"Richie, no." Mike shook his head. "Annoying, sometimes, but that's what we love about you. Embarrassing, yes, but we love that about you too. The only reason we'd tell you to chill, in public, was so we wouldn't get in trouble."

"Yeah, that doesn't mean we hate you. "Ben said. "Some things, yeah, you needed to chill with, but the rest we don't care. Swear all you want, wear what you want, do what you want- be who you want."

"You can't be me," Stan said, walking in with a pair of glasses in hand. "But you can be you- the loud, insane you, or the quiet you- whichever you want." He opened the glasses and carefully put them on Richie. They had a crack along the outer edge, but he could finally see. "You need to talk to us, don't shut us out."

"You're one... to talk." Richie grumbled, blinking a couple times. "Thanks." He muttered.

"I know, and I'll change that as best I can." Stan agreed. "And I… I'm sorry for the things I said to you. You're an asshole but not the bad kind."

"What kind of… asshole is… is good?" Richie asked with a small grin. Stan rolled his eyes.

"I'm gonna ignore that for now. I don't hate you, you're like a brother to me and I love you."

"Love you… too. All… of you."

"I also may have just… threatened the nurses at the nurses station that if they didn't come and give you something to actually help the pain that we'd take you to another hospital. So you should be getting something soon."

"Thank… God."

* * *

It was another ten minutes before the nurse came in, and when she did, she said,

"The reason it didn't help the first time is because the other nurse gave you the amount we'd give to a 6 year old rather than a sixteen year old." She put something in his IV. "This should help fairly quickly."

"Fucking finally." He grumbled.

"Still nothing on the scans?" Eddie asked.

"I'm not sure, but either way I wouldn't be able to tell you, I'm sorry." She said. "Your doctor will only tell you if your parents or guardians are in the room." She gave them a sympathetic smile and left the room.

"Bev, tell mom... that if this ever happens... again- don't... come to this... hospital."

"This better not fucking happen again." She huffed.

"Went is gonna make sure Bowers is locked up." Eddie said.

"Speaking of Went, he used salty in a sentence earlier." Bev told Richie, who snorted.

"What the... fuck."

"He told us you didn't want him back there with you."

"It's not that, I just... I wanted my mom and only my mom."

"Can't relate." Eddie deadpanned. Richie chuckled and blinked slowly.

"Ah, shit... my heads all fuzzy now." He said, yawning.

"The medicine is probably making you sleepy." Eddie said. "You look like you need a nap."

"Fuck you."

"Maybe later." Eddie replied. He glanced at the monitor and saw Richie's heart rate speed up a little at that. Eddie smirked and Richie blushed, laughing a bit. Bev giggled to herself.

"Try and sleep while you're not hurting, we'll still be here when you wake up." Mike told him. Richie nodded and fiddled with the buttons on the bed, making it go back some. Bev threw the cover over him and he was knocked out in no time.

"That was quick."Ben said, chucking.

"I don't think he's slept much lately, like at all." Bev said. "I'll wake up in the middle of the night and he'd be playing his music."

"I have so many questions." Bill said. "Like what the fuck and why did Greta of all people actually pick Richie up off the side of the road?"

"I hard she's been crushing on him." Ben said. "Since he stopped... being him."

"Well..." Eddie chuckled, but didn't continue. Instead, he leaned over Richie and cleaned some more blood off his mouth, from when he was smiling.

The Losers looked at each other- Bev with a knowing grin on her face- and the boys confused.

Just then, there was a small knock on the door and Went and Maggie came in. Maggie let out a breath of relief when she saw he was asleep.

"How long has he been asleep?" She asked, walking around to Richie's other side. "And who found his glasses?"

"Not long." Stan said. "And I had an old pair I put in Bill's car the last time he broke them." Went just stared at Richie. Bev thought he was gonna burst into tears, but instead, he asked,

"Did you kids get whatever it was sorted?"

"Yes sir." Stan answered.

"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go beat Bowers ass." He said, starting towards the door.

"But you'll get in trouble!" Ben said immediately. Went chuckled.

"I don't mean that Bowers, Ben. But God do I wish I could. Call me if anything happens."

* * *

Once Butch Bowers had not one tooth in his head- Maggie called her husband, freaking the fuck out.

"They have to do emergency surgery, Went. I-I-I c-can't deal with this on m-my own."

"Fuck, I'm on my way."


End file.
